I'm finally fully better. I spent yesterday morning sleeping in and didn't wake up until a little before noon. I did my usual stuff but I felt better for actually sleep in for the first time since school started. I hate the way that school messes up your clock and makes you want to wake up at a specific time even when you don't want to.
I watched the Super Bowl a bit but I was kind of nervous do I didn't see the whole thing. Near the end I so thought it was going to end up being tied, but I'm glad it wasn't. I wanted the Patriots to win and I really wanted to see The Simpsons. It turns out it was broadcast in HD, which made it look nice. I really hope the Fox station and the cable company can come to an agreement, because it seems like most of my favorite network shows are on Fox, with the exceptiton of Scrubs of course, and that's been on in HD for a year or two now. Now everyone around here, even in the paper and on the news is using the d word, saying the Patriots are the first dynasty of the 21st century, which I think it's awesome. I remember the Cowboys being big in the 90's, but I was too young to understand football and they aren't a local team.
I went to school today and our music theory teacher is back. She taught us about close and open spacing and it's a pain in the ass. There's a soprano, alto, tenor and bass part for each chord and the tenor and bass are in bass clef. You have to position them either close or kind of far apart (open), though not too far or it's wrong. I finally figured it out tonight, after trying to do it for thirty minutes, but 24 and my Dad playing bagpipes were really distracting. It's like losing an hour every Monday night now, but I like it.
I've been feeling really disconnected for everyone lately and I've been a bit bothered because it just seems like no one likes what I like anymore. I told my Dad that tonight and he said it's more important to be an individual than to be int he majority. Is it just me or does it seem like the majority is happy more often? It probably is just me but I just feel like all the other girls out there are having more fun than me.
I've been really irritated lately, too. I wrote a check today for my private lessons and yet my Dad wrote one for the electric company. Both were almost $200 and my Dad only makes $360 a week, so basically, I worried I was going to bounce a check. I was at clarinet lessons, waiting to go to them in my car and I kind of got really angry and started yelling. I was in my damn car though, and this cop who was bsing with some dumb lady in a minivan (they were talking with the windows of their cars open) yelled at me and told me to be quiet. He said he wouldn't leave me alone unless I did. I hate the cops around here because they never to their jobs and they can never mind their own fucking business. I swear I'm the only girl I know who doesn't drink, smoke or do drugs and yet I get in trouble with the cops more than girls who do. It's not fricking fair. I know life shouldn't be, but there was a damn Chevy parked across from me with it's ass end in the middle of the parking lot and it was taking up two spaces. I think that was more illegal than anything I was doing. Just because I disturbed his conversation with some dumb soccer mom. I just don't like soccer moms because they don't care about the world, or what it will be like, they only care about their damn kids.
I don't even know if they do that. How can they say they do when they drive those gas guzzling mini vans that are fugly and don't really serve any purpose? You see other people in other countries and I'm sure some of them have four or five kids but drive cars smaller than that, and they're more athletic in some countries than the kids are in this country. How come other families know how to get around in other countries without some ugly monster vehicle? They all shop at Wal Mart type places that destroy our little Mom and Pop stores, carry little of anything good and they just suck the life out of the stores around them. They also love to leave big empty lots behind like they will in Welfare Town.
I just find it strange how so many girls are going to end up that way. I don't want to be one of them. I don't want to be thoughtless, I want to help people and do what I think is right. I don't want to have to worry about money and I want to have kids, but not many. I want to have a small, efficent car, the most effecient on they make, but I would rather live in a city and have no car at all. I kind of feel weird that I don't want to drive a minivan and have four kids, it makes me feel abnormal even more. It seems like that is what so many people want out of life, but I just feel like there's got to be something more. I kind of almost think it's selfish to live without thinking how it affects other people.
I'm sorry I'm so angry tonight, I don't know why but I have been lately. I feel like all my ideas are really weird and that no one thinks the way I do. I feel like I'm so sick of the way my life is but I feel like I can't do anything because what I want to do is what everyone tells me I can't or shouldn't do. I want to live in the city and make new friends, I want to give my car to my Dad (I don't think I could sell it and my Dad needs it since it gets better mileage than his truck) and visit him and Blake and Ginger often so they don't forget me. I feel like everyone out here knows me and who I am and I feel like all they know is the part of me that is really angry and I worry that's the only part of me that is going to come out of this alive. I want to be happy but I'm finding it hard and I'm so sick of feeling like I'm going to be forever in debt just like my Dad. I miss Carbon so much and I just want someone like her who can understand all of this someone who will go to the movies with me, someone who will watch tv with me and someone who wants to go to concerts with me. I'm just kind of tired of feeling odd.
I'm sorry my entry is such a downer, it's just what has been on my mind. I'm feeling a little better. I just felt like ranting, I kind of need to do that on occasion. If anyone wants, I can make a separate diary for my rants and make it so no one can find it. I'll write more on Wednesday because I have to go to Jazz Ensemble tomorrow and I have no idea how long it's going to run. Bye!
*Racecar*
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