Hello, everyone or anyone. How are you all? My regular diary is down again, but I think it would be best if I wrote in here.
In my last entry, I talked about how depressed I had been, and later on that week, I felt better again. Yet, I once again crash landed. I hate these ups and downs, mostly because the downs seemt to last forever, and the ups only last a day or two.
My friends, I love them with all my heart sometimes, but it comes across as though some of them don't feel the same way. I will call them, and they will never return my calls, I will e-mail them, and they will do the same. When I plan a day to do something with them, they back out at the last minute, without telling me. Then, when we do talk, or I get an e-mail back, it always describes how great their life is, while mine seems to go down the drain. It just seems like they don't care.
I always look for a sympathetic ear during these times, someone who will know how I feel. That's why I have to go to a therapist, and, while I haven't really felt any of the effects of it yet, I have discovered some flaws. I really want to become a better person this summer, and I don't want anything else to get in my way.
I also want to lose weight, so I can feel better about myself. Some will say that I'm not fat, or that I shouldn't be forced to conform to society's standard of beauty, but to me, it means a lot. I need to feel like I can be beautiful and hopefully, this will bring about more confidence in me. I will be happier, too. So, if you must insult me to make yourself or tell me I'm not fat to make me feel better, then go ahead. But, deep down in my heart, I feel as though I have crossed the threshold between being a healthy, curvy teenage girl, to an overweight and unhealthy one. I just hope you can support me.
My friend FiFi has been talking to me, and she says I should tell Hydrogen how I feel, so I've decided to e-mail Hydrogen, and tell her what's been going on in my mind, and how her e-mail offended me. I will let you all know how that goes, and I hope it goes well.
I am no longer depressed, but I am hoping to become a better person this summer, since, I feel, that when school comes, I will not have the time to do so. Thank you for readng. I must go back to my home in the sky now.
%Grape%Cloud%
<< Wednesday, Jul. 10, 2002@11:08 p.m.>>