Why can't I die? I honestly see no reason for myt existence. No one loves me, no one is willing to help me with anything, no one will even go to a motherfucking concert with me or be seen in public with me. I will never have a boyfriend or anyone who loves me and will stay by my side. Every one I thought should love me hates me and just lies to use me. I have never met a person who would stick by my side and why should it be different
After all , I'm just a fucking freak with no feelings. My fucking dreams of having a nice laptop and people who love me is just impossible. I have no friends and no family and if you try to prove to me otherwise, I don't believe you.
No love, no one on my side when I'm in trouble, no one to advocate for me or tell me I'll be okay. This is what I get. Called selfish every fucking day of my life, treated like an invalid just because I can't control my feelings.
If there is a God, he is just a fucking asshole who wants to see me upset because that's what I've been most of these seventeen years. Abandoned and mistreated by anybody I felt even remotely close to. I can't be loved because of the way I am and no one will tell me how to control it. Everyone thinks that this is fucking funny. That it's okay to lie to me. I hate this, I don't want summer to come I don't want to graduate I don't want to go to school. I want to die and never have to feel the pain of wanting to be perfect in every way and wishing that some asshole who walks all over me would love me.
I was so fucking looking forward to this week and everyone fucking betrayed me. I want to ecome a mute because I hav enothing to say fuck you!
<< Saturday, May. 15, 2004@11:26 a.m.>>