Hello.I know I haven't written in a while, I never do. I have to say, I'm depressed right now. My friends have been treating me like shit, and they refuse to talk to me.
I feel like no one loves me, like I'm not worth anything to anyone. I can't talk to anyone about how I feel, because they always end up making me feel bad about myself. Plus, it's not like there's anything they can do about it. This has been going on for over a year now, and I feel like it's never going to end.
I try to get my friends together, I try to make myself a better person, and it just doesn't work. I don't have the money I need to do it, and I don't have the ability to get a job, because I have a hard time talking to others, and, I'm not turning sixteen for another ten years (or so it seems). I honestly don't feel like any of my dreams will come true. They seem so distant, like they're millions of miles away, out of my reach.
People always try to help me, but they never follow through. They always give up on me, like I'm not worth all their effort. I just feel like I'm being used when people do this. I just want people to help me. I want to see the sunshine in life again. I want to know that there is some beauty in the world, and that I'm not some ugly monster, but that I'm actually a good person.
Though I've seen all their happiness
I can only be down
These broken dreams are not what they seem
There's so much more than this-"Ode to the lonely hearted"-Sugar Ray
I can't sleep tonight
Everybody saying everything's alright
Still I can't close my eyes
Sunny days
Where have you gone?
I get the strangest feeling you belong
Why does it always rain on me?
Is it because I lied when I was seventeen?
Why does it always rain on me?
Even when the sun is shining
I can't avoid the lightning
I can't stand myself-"Why does it always rain on me?"-Travis
Can you make it better for me
Can you make me see the light of day
I got friends
They're waiting for me to comb out my hair
Come outside and join the human race
But I don't feel so human
You won't want me
Hanging around the birthday pony
Even though it's just a game
You know we are the same
But you're the better faker.-"Weather Channel"-Sheryl Crow
That pretty much sums up how I feel.
_Grape_Cloud_
<< Tuesday, Jul. 02, 2002@9:02 p.m.>>