Dear Tristan,
I guess that this will be my last letter to you, after what you wrote me. I am mad at you for assuming that I don't know you, but then acting like you know about me. I almost want to write you a nasty letter, but I know I will regret it. It also angers me that you automatically tell me that my feelings aren't valid and that I take things too seriously.
I really DO like you, I'm not lying and I think my feelings are valid. I know you were trying to tell me nicely that you don't feel the same, but making assumptions like that makes me mad. I'm sorry that I think you're cute, okay? I'm sorry I like you, I think I already apologized for that. I am just mad because you seem to think that I'm joking or something when I'm not. I was serious when I wrote that to you and I am still serious when I say I like you.
Megan tried to warn me, and she was right. I should have listened to her from the start and I feel bad that I didn't. She seems to know you better than I do, even though she has never met you, either. I just feel like you are being a hypocrite, too. You like that girl in California, that's even further away and yet it's not okay for me to like you?!? I think that is a double standard and it pisses me off.
I wish I had never written you that letter, I wish I had never liked you. I wish I had never even seen you. I wish I had never talked to you, because that only made things worse. I got false hope. You don't know how many times I wrote your name on my notebook, or talked about you to Katie, or made playlists and cds of songs that made me think of you. I liked you for six months, which is a lot for me and then you go and say my feelings are not valid and I don't know you at all. You don't know me either then, so you shouldn't act like you do.
I am mad that I wrote you a love letter that I deliberated over for months, I wrote the first one back in September. I shouldn't have done what I did and I am sorry, okay? I don't know how many times I have to apologize to you, just forget I said anything to you at all. Forget everything that I told you, pretend I never meant any of it at all. You could've just said that you didn't like me, you didn't have to write a big fucking speech about it, just to make it seem like you didn't feel bad. You act like some big rock star, the way you wrote to me and it pissed me off. I am not sure if I should even want to respond to you, I don't think I can. You talked to me like I was some little kid and it made me mad. Just because I am seven years younger than you doesn't mean that I am some stupid little kid and you don't have to talk to me like I am.
I am sorry again. I am so sick of writing love letters and never getting any of my own. I am so tired of liking guys who think they are better than me. I am sorry for trying, for thinking that you could feel the same way. I'm sorry I'm not some punk rock chick, but I listen to lots of kinds of music, I am not just some one sided girl. I know more than you think I know and I am not some fluffy dumb bunny. Maybe you think I am, but I am not. I feel like you think I am stupid, but there is I'm fucking not. You could have just been real with me, but I feel like you may have been fake, you could've just told me the truth. I don't know if I ever want to talk to you again, I need some time to cool off, not that you need any, you're not mad, you're just find. I bet you don't even feel bad, Mr. Cold Heart, you're like a damn reptile I bet, though it took me a long time to figure out that about you. Don't act like you're so nice just because you can't tell the truth, you have to sugar coat it. Sugar coating it just made it that much harder to swallow.Bye (maybe for good).-Kate
<< Sunday, Mar. 18, 2007@2:33 p.m.>>