I feel like I haven't written in forever (what else is new?). But not much has been going on. I have been hanging out with Hydrogen again, we haven't had friends who are girls in a long time. I've been agonizing over boys who don't like me that I like (notably, Fakir, yes I should get over him). I went out clubbing, which was fun, though the music is stuff I wouldn't be caught dead listening to on a regular basis. I actually have a decent amount of friends now, but I still feel like I need to work on my social skills. Though I'm getting invited to more places and such lately, so that means I must be fun to be around. Or people are being super nice to me for some reason I don't know about yet. Either way, I will enjoy it.
My life isn't perfect, of course. My Grandma is dying and I feel as though I've disappointed her by not doing anything with my life. I haven't done the open mic night yet. I haven't written any music in a while, which is important for a composer to do. I'm in a lot of debt and have no idea when I will get out of it. My Dad is still driving me crazy. And I have yet to find a boy I like that likes me and it's frustrating sometimes. I have been crying at random lately, most notably on Tuesday, which was probably the worst day of the week for me.
I'm on a strict diet, probably too strict because I'm almost always hungry. But it's working in that I've already lost a few pounds. I really need to keep working at it though, which is hard. I feel like I go off the rails on it sometimes and end up gaining most of what I've lost. Oh, and I had a bunch of nightmares last night, which wasn't fun and made my sleep not so great.
I'm going to hang out with Mrs. Black tomorrow. No idea what we are doing or where we are going. We might be going to a Streelight Manifesto concert, but I don't really want to. Why? Because it's in Northampton, which is near Amherst. I don't know that I can go back there after all that happened. Yes, it was over three years ago and I'm a different person now. But, it still puts a tightness in my chest that I can't explain. Even during the summer when my Dad headed towards Springfield by accident on the way to Six Flags, I could feel my chest tighten and my heart race a bit. I wish I could get over it, and what happened there, but it's hard. I'm not sure I'll ever want to go back there. I wrote a story, but I'm going to put it in the next entry (which should be up in a few minutes, if I don't go rambling anymore). But yeah, now you guys might know why my nickname is Duck. Though this could be because I haven't written in a while and haven't had anyone to tell things to. Anyway, that's what's going on with me. Bye!-*Duck*
<< Thursday, Feb. 10, 2011@1:49 p.m.>>