That's Italian (I think, let's all hope it's correct!). It means, I don't understand, at least, it should. I really don't understand what's going on with FiFi. She has a new diary on here, but I don't think she'll write in it, she finds this site "complicated". I tried to set up a layout for her, but I can't seem to set up one for myself. I don't know what I did, or if it's the fact that Diaryland has been really messed up lately (horribly polite terms for me). It's one thirty and I'm talking nice, there's something wrong here.
I'm talking to Mr. Lambchops, but I didn't come online because of that. I came to write an angry entry about how
I've been feeling about FiFi. You see, she was supposed to sleep over, but she left about an hour ago, saying she was "sick". She's been doing that a ton lately. Not hanging out with me when she said she would, only hanging around for hours at a time. It makes me mad, because I feel like she's lying to me. All she does when she's around is complain about her life and about Mr. Lambchops. How I wouldn't understand, and how I don't know what love is.
I'll admit, this may be true. Yet, I remember so many years ago, being a young, naive (worse than now, if that's possible) girl. I used to like this guy, and I thought that he would always be around and make my world better. I thought he knew me, and that I knew him. In the end, I think I was wrong, not that he's a bad guy or anything, but he wasn't the type of guy that I could be with for good. It's a long story, and Racecar is so tired that she can't recall most of it. Yet, even now, when I see his face, I remember everything. How just when he was around I felt so happy and alive. I tried to do everything I could to be perfect for him (I still think I can achieve this, sadly).
What I mean is, I feel like I've known the feeling, too. I just didn't do all of the same things. I was a bit obsessed myself, but I didn't wonder where he was all the time, or call and get pissed if he was with another girl. Just being around him made me feel happy, but when he wasn't around, I either had fun, or looked forward to him being around.
I don't know though, which is yet another thing I remember in Italian (which I added to the title). It's now a REALLY odd title, but it kind of speaks volumes to how I feel. I don't understand her, and I don't know what I should do. I feel the need to tell her my side, but I know she'll stop talking to me. I do know that writing this down has made me feel better.
Today, I'll probably call Carbon and Hydrogen (not now though, they're asleep!). I'm going to ask them if they want to come over and clean up. I need to call my Dad's dentist and I need to decide whether or not to block out the FiFi entry in my other diary (which she occasionally reads). It makes me mad, though, that I can't be honest with her and tell her my side of the story, not that she ever did that with me. I also need to fix my template up, if you go to the older entries, you go to my other layout, which for some rason is still up. I can figure this out with some experimenting from FiFi's Diaryland diary, which I know the password to (I'm just putting in a template, not ruining it) and squareone, because that's the other one that works.
That's it for now. I'm going to go delete my e-mail and check Mr. Sarcasm's diary, because he's been online for about an hour now. It's nice to know that someone else is a night owl out there. Or at least mad at their friend, too. I doubt he is though, he's always saying he has no friends. Sometimes, I can relate. I have no idea how to end this rambling mess, other than goodbye!
*Racecar*
<< Monday, Jun. 23, 2003@1:23 a.m.>>