I'm 90% sure that the screens in the computer lab in the Fine Arts Center are so big now so that people don't waste their time writing on diary sites like this one. I know, I shouldn't be writing on here if I think everyone is going to see it. I don't really care though, as i have 45 minutes before my guitar lesson, which is going to suck. The guy I like, who I wanted to talk to today, is watching something on his computer. I have no idea what it was or is, but it must've been funny, as he was watching it with a few other guys.
I actually thought about him a lot the other day, because he looked really cute yesterday when I saw him in Orchestration class. He had on this Beatles shirt, which was weird because I wore my Paul McCartney shirt the other day so he'd notice me (not that he did). The shirt was clingy, and he has quite a few muscles. He's not really buff or anything, he wouldn't make it into a bodybuilding catalog or anything, but he's very cute. I don't think I've written that way about a guy in a while. Which makes sense because I don't often think that way about guys.
Yeah, I was thinking about him yesterday and I even thought about him in class today. I feel kind of stupid because he has this girl that he is friends with. She's really cool, and very smart. She plays saxophone and I think they are in orchestra together (I can't be in orchestra, what with a guitar and all). I have to admit, I totally would like to be friends with her, but I don't get the chance to talk to her much. She's kind of like him, in that they are always surrounded by people, I rarely see either of them alone. I really pay way too much attention to other people, in case you can't tell. Anyway, she is the smartest person in the whole music department, she even got a big scholarship for her grades and participation in all the goings on in the music department. Even though I have mostly As and am on the Dean's List, I'll be lucky if I get inducted into the music honor society, which is what I wanted.
Basically, she is super smart, very nice, cute and friends with him. To be honest, I can't figure out why they aren't going out. I remember when I ushered at the Music Convocation concert last semester, I saw him talking with her and her parents. I think she talked to his parents as well. I don't know why I think these kinds of things. I'm the one that likes him now, and if she liked him, wouldn't they be going out? Or maybe he doesn't feel that way about her. Or maybe it's none of my business analyzing the feelings of people I barely know.
I just feel so unsure of myself around him. Like I'm not cool enough, or smart enough, or pretty enough. I really feel stupid around him, and around other musicians in general, it's been this feeling of inadequacy that I've felt since I first started playing guitar. I don't know what I should do, except try and be more confident in myself, which is super hard.
I don't know what I am going to do when I get home. I want to go see the Eureka Seven movie, but I have no one to go with, plus I went to the Bleach and Death Note movies at that theater as well, so I worry they'll think I'm some anime nerd. I am though, which I guess is something I haven't even realized yet. I might go to see the Informant instead, but I could go with Renesmee on Saturday when we hang out, since the theater near her is cheaper, if she wants to go, that is. I don't even know if I'll go. Maybe I should just go to the apple orchard with my Dad and get myself an apple pie. I can have a nice dinner, and then work out, play guitar and go to bed early. I'd also remember to print out my project for Orchestration, which is due tomorrow. I have to look over it to make sure it is okay, although I think she will allow us to resubmit it after she grades it, which I will probably end up doing. I didn't use any special effects, but she didn't say anything about having to, just that we could. I found it hard enough to write something good in the seemingly short time I had.
I really only wrote this entry for one thing, which was to have my composition goals for the semester in here, in case Yahoo! crashes or some junk like that. Also so I can read it later, since I wrote it for tomorrow and I'm going to have to put it into Word on my computer at home (the one at the school is newer, so it won't work with my copy) and then print it out. Also, maybe some of you will want to read it, or not. Here it is:
My Composition Goals for the Semester:
My goals for this semester, as far as composition goes, are few, but wide in scope. My first goal is to write a piece for various percussion instruments and trumpet. I would like this piece to be about five to seven minutes long, probably closer to seven. I want to be able to have this done by the end of November, so that I can work on my second goal. The second goal I have is to go over some of my older pieces, most notably the woodwind and French horn pieces, as there are some musical clashes in them. My writing style has also changed a bit since then, and I would like to refine the melodies so that they are not all over the place, but flow smoothly, especially the French horn parts. My third goal goes more with the first one, as it relates to that piece. I would like to learn how to write in a dramatic style, from the music itself, to staging, such as what the musicians will do on stage and where they will stand. I want to learn to write dramatic music not just for this piece, but for the future as well. This goes along with my last goal, which is something that I want to accomplish over a long period of time. I want to be able to be a diverse composer, comfortable with all kinds of instruments, tonal and atonal music, all different lengths and styles of music. While this seems like a lot of work, I am more than willing to do whatever it takes to become a better composer.
Anyway, I still have a decent amount of time before my lesson, but I want to do some things. Maybe say hi to him, or maybe not. I'm starting to chicken out on that idea, and I don't know why. It's not like I'm going to ask him out, I'm just going to try and talk to him. I wish I could just be myself with everyone. Bye guys, and let's hope I didn't (or don't, really) chicken out, at least not for the rest of the school year.
*Racecar*
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