I'm sorry that I haven't updated in so long. I had planned to update over the weekend, but I had to leave early in the morning both days, and I got home late at night on both days. I didn't even sleep that well last night for some reason. Although, judging by the way it looks outside, it's still night, and I'm crazy to be up this early.
There is really only one significant thing that I wanted to write about, and it's kind of unusual for me to do so. I had Creative Writing last year, when I was a sophomore. Most of the people in that class were juniors, though there were a few seniors. There was this senior guy in there, Creative Writing Boy, I used to call him. EVERY girl in the whole class practically drooled over him, even me (sadly, but I didn't show it NEARLY as much as the rest of them). Though, he already had/has a girlfriend (the same girl now as then). I think she's a bit of a bitch though, I have the weirdest feeling he didn't go to college because she wanted him to stay around. I don't like him anymore anyway, just to let you know.
There was this other guy in the class (there were guys besides these two, but none of them were that great) and he was cute, too. I didn't really pay attention to him until over the summer. I didn't see him, but I knew I sort of liked him, and I told FiFi (who is once again no longer in school due to anxiety), who thought he had a big nose. During the school year, I would see him every now and then, during passing time, at a local band concert. Every time, I would look at him a ton, but he didn't seem to notice that much. I think his friends might have noticed, or something, but maybe you can tell me when you read the rest of the story.
I had Honor Society practice on Thursday afternoon. I go into the upper left of the audiotorium (which I just spelt wrong) and I look around. I saw a few people, one person was staring back at me, and they looked familiar. When we got to our seats and they called names and gave us our cards, I learned that it was him (guy mentioned in above paragraph). I don't know why, but after that I was really excited about going to the induction ceremony, I think it was because I thought I could try to talk to him, or at least look at him a ton behind his back.
I went yesterday, wearing a purple skirt and yellow shirt that FiFi helped pick out (I knew I looked awful, it only took my grandmother to make me feel worse, but that was after this). We had to walk into the library to get in line and get our cards. When I walked in, he looked at me, I don't know if it's because I made a ton of noise, or if it's because his friends pointed me out to him. I really had to wonder, and if his friends did point me out, was it because he likes me, or is it because I stare at him so damn much that he wants to see how I would feel. I don't know, and I kind of thought it was the last one. I was so nervous about embarassing myself on stage, because he would see, though I probably did.
I tried to reassure myself the whole time that he might like me, because I like him, and I don't talk to him or anything. I just remember him from Creative Writing, but I don't think he remembers me. When they called him up for his award, they said what college he would be going to in the fall, and I don't know why, but I had the sudden complusion to go there, but I know that would be stupid, if I didn't want to go. There's just a part of me that really wants to go after him, and run into him, and someday tell him how I feel. There's another part of me though, and it says that he probably wouldn't like me, because I'm not that pretty, and he might have a girlfriend and I'm weird. I don't know what to do or think.
When I went to my cousin's gradutation party afterward, I didn't enjoy it. My grandma kept yelling at me about how I looked, so I spent most of the time outside the ballroom it was in, waiting to leave. They sat me with my cousin's boyfriend's family, and I remember last week they were talking about how they were the lowest of the low. I assume that that is probably an insult, to seat my Dad and I with them. I don't really like them very much or their "classy" parties, where everyone has to dress up, get fat and feel like a bloated cow with
hurting hooves when they leave. If I ever gradute from a college, I'm going to have a party where everyone can dress normally, and just have fun. Either that, or they can have my graduation party like they want, but without me.
I don't really have much else to say. I honestly would like an opinion about the guy. Yet, every time I ask for an opinion on something, I rarely get one. Bye!
*Racecar*
<< Monday, May. 19, 2003@5:20 a.m.>>