I never noticed it until now, but Trident gum is sugarless and has fake sugar in it. It just makes me want real sugar. I think I'm going to eat the corn muffins I made and then work out. My asshole doctor called me fat the other day during my physical. I don't think I want to have another physical as long as I live. I hate doctors, I don't think I've ever met one who made my life any better, they all seem to make my life worse. This is why I want a new primary care doctor because everytime they weigh me they call me fat, one time they made me cry because of it. I'm just sick of everyone getting pissed off at me. I'm fucking trying, okay? I can't do much more than I'm already doing.
I am so damn angry that I broke my laptop and it's the end of the road for that one. I really think I am going to have to buy a new one. I should go to Toys R Us and buy one of those plastic ones they make for ten year olds, something I can't break. I am probably going to buy a new one soon since I just bought a copy of Mac OS X that is worthless to me. I can't return it since I opened it, either. I just want to sit and cry and sleep today, I don't want to do anything.
Katie's parents are buying her stuff and helping her out, she's going to get a job at a fucking library! I would kill for a job like that! No, I have to work at fucking Target, where all the uptight assholes go. If I hear one more person call it Tar-jay, I am going to kill them, just to let you know why I might be on the evening news someday.
I'm just tired of this and I don't want to walk at my graduation, since it only costs more money. That and Dr. Lajoie will be there. I would love to just burn the bridge that is between us, I would love to sit and watch it burn. He is the kind of guy who would literally punch you if you started shit with him though, so I can't. I am just mad at him for basically calling me the worst guitarist in the school and bringing my emotional situation into his decision making. You just don't do that with someone, at least not in my opinion. Sometimes I wonder if I believe in the right things, I feel like I am opposed to everyone else out there. I am just so frustrated and angry with my life right now, I hate everything that is going on.
I want my yard to be fixed, I want a new laptop, I want my credit card debt to be paid off, I want a new job, I want someone, anyone who has done me wrong to apologize to me. I want more friends, ones who pay me back for money they owe me instead of going out and buying PS2s (yes, Katie did that) and Fall Out Boy cds, becuase they are the worst band ever, or damn close. I would like this depression to go away, I have been like this for five years now and it's very wearing on me. I want a new, good acoustic guitar and a boyfriend. That is a lot to ask, but even just one of those things would make me feel better, not that anyone reading this can help at all. I just need someone to listen most of all, I just want someone to validate some of my feelings and tell me things will be okay. They don't feel like they will be and my ear is twitching again, which means I am going to cry.
I have to work out now and then I have to work on my project for Music Theory IV. It is some thing where we have to use the tweleve tone scale (don't ask, it's confusing) and use six different notes, note values, words and dynamic markings. Then, we have to use the other six tones and invert everything else. Maybe it doesn't sound hard, but when you have to make a Matrix of the tweleve tone scale and use two sets of six on opposite quadrants of the Matrix as well, you brain starts to come out through your ears. It will take me at least four hours, if not more. I hate school, I wish I hadn't gone this semester, then I wouldn't be in debt.
<< Saturday, Feb. 24, 2007@2:36 p.m.>>