Tristan,
I am glad that things have turned out okay. I was hoping that you would be able to go online at work. I love the way that instead of going out and enjoying Paris, you are sitting in front of a computer reading all kinds of things. Still, you have the weekends for that. I was honestly pretty depressed last weekend when I had read that you might not be around for a few weeks. It makes me like you even more that you would do that.
Not much has been going on with me, though I am currently fighting with yet another friend (see below for more details) and had to lock my diary. I am thinking of deleting my MySpace, but I like talking to you and Megan on there so much that I really don't want to.
I feel weird not having much to write to you for once, but you write so much these days, which makes me happy. I like to wake up each weekday morning and check my e-mail around eleven in the morning to read another little paragraph about working in the city. You make me happy and I wish that I could do that same for you, I almost wish that I could let you read this, but I don't think that I could ever let you do that, it is ridiculous how long I have cared for you and how much I care for you. For you to read this would ruin whatever is going on between us now, though maybe someday you can. Bye!-Kate
Rick,
I locked this so you couldn't read it. If you were feeling betrayed last Monday you should've said something to me then and not acted like a damn drug addict making no sense in your conversation.
I wrote that last thing about you because I felt like you were being a jerk for not setting me up with anyone. You could've taken me out with you and some friends to a club and shown me how to meet guys or something like that. You also didn't have to tell me why your friends rejected me, since they were pretty shallow in their reasoning. I was very upset that night and you knew it, yet you decided to tell me that you had given up on me and bitch to me why you thought I wasn't making enough progress. Did you ever think that maybe I don't have feelings for you in that way and so maybe I couldn't do things with you because of that? I doubt it.
The older stuff, which is WAY back, was because you acted like a damn pig. Saying that you wanted to get to second base on a first date to a girl is just wrong. Then asking a girl you barely know how far she has gone with a guy? How do you think that made you look in my eyes? If we were going out for a while it would have made some sense to ask me, but not on the phone before we even went out on a first date. Then, when I told you that I was uncomfortable with what you said, and you told me to tell you when I felt that way, you fucking blew up at me! You just up and left and expected me not to get mad at you?!? No, I didn't feel like you deserved a girlfriend back then because you acted like a pig and I therefore assumed that you were a pig, Megan knows what I am talking about.
Also, leave Tristan (not Tristen) out of this! You do NOT know him so you do not know how he feels or doesn't feel about me. It is my decision to keep on liking him in the face of his rejection, and we talk every week pretty much and he has said some things that have made me think that maybe he has changed his mind about me. Still, even if he hasn't, there is no one else for me to be with right now, or for me to care about, and you know that better than anyone else, or you should know that. I am waiting until I go away to college in a month and a half to find someone of my own. I honestly don't think that is a mistake on my part and I am sorry that you think I am set in my ways.
About writing negative things about other people, they don't read this, I didn't honestly think that anyone did. From the way you talked about what you read, you only care about the bad stuff I say and not the good stuff, like every other friend of mine who manages to read these. This is a fucking diary, I write what is on my mind at the time, that doesn't make me a bad person, it just means I write down my thoughts while others just keep thinking them. Do you want me to tell you everything that I think of you? I will if you want, and I mean stuff I haven't written in here.
I'm just tired of this stuff happening, and you knew that. I feel like you went out of your way to find shit about yourself on here to start shit with me. You knew what happened with Katie and you knew about that kind of shit and yet you pulled the same thing that she did. I'm honestly surprised that you went back two whole years and assume that I still feel the same way. It makes me think that you just wanted to start something with me because you are bored up there. I am so sick of friends like you, who won't afford me privacy and who do stupid shit to piss me off in the first place. I'm figuring that this friendship (if you'd call if that) is over, too. Bye.-Kate
<< Monday, Jul. 16, 2007@10:36 a.m.>>