Tristan,
I worry that your leaving for Paris for your new job is going to cause you to forget about me. You won't get to talk to me for quite a while, since you won't have the internet. I will miss you so much, but I have already told you that. Ugh. I love you, I don't want to see you leave, even if you come back, because part of me thinks you won't come back. Part of me just thinks you will forget me and I don't want that. I want you to love me the way that I love you. Seeing other people in love makes me think of you, reading about other people in love makes me think of you. I want to be part of a couple with you someday, I want to be your girlfriend, but that can never b I guess. I don't know, I just hate the idea of you leaving and it's making me depressed and I can't tell anyone since they'll think I'm crazy. I feel crazy, every feeling that I feel for you makes me think that I might be crazy. It is not normal to be in love with someone you have never even fucking met, yet here I am, writing letters to a man who is thousands of miles away, letters of love and devotion, and you don't feel the same about me. I don't honestly know how you feel about me.
I wish you had written to me one last time, just so I could read something over and over again. I kind of wanted you to say that you would miss me, too, but I doubt that you will. I feel stupid for even missing you in the first place, but I know that I will. I already miss you, I wish that I could just talk to you over the phone or something. I wish I could meet you someday, just come up with some day in the future, some random day, and then meet that day. I would look forward to it so much, though I don't know if you would. I have to go play guitar now, I know that you will miss yours, I know I would, too. I named by Taylor after you and my iPod. Tristan, such a pretty name for such a handsome man, or a 28 year old teenager, as you called yourself the other day in your blog (I thought that was funny). I love you and I'll miss you while you are gone (I should have said that last part before). Bye!-Kate
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