I'm not doing too good right now. I don't feel like doing much of anything, except crying and sitting in my room. All of my cds, my 208 cds, were stolen along with the cd case. The cops at school told me it was unlikely I would get them back, and it would be the first time in their how many odd years here that they would have recovered one. I fell down the stairs upon hearing that. I didn't hurt myself, sadly, but I did cry even more.
I'm just really mad at myself right now and I don't think much could make me feel better. I just hate myself because I fucking let this happen, and it just seems like things cannot be righted. Those were over 3,000 dollars in cds! Like I have the fucking money to replace all of them, and one of them couldn't be replaced because it was a special one given out with one of the other cds. I did find one of the cds on my computer, but it just doesn't sound the same.
Five whole years of memories are gone now, and they won't be returned to me. I'm worried whoever has taken them is ruining them as I write this. I'm worried someone has taken it from me and doesn't like some of the cds. What if some of my favorites are being stepped on or thrown away? I'm worried I'll get back a fucking empty case and not know who took the cds, in which case I might just beat the shit out of anyone who was afterschool that day, because I'm just sick of everyone being a fucking jerk to me.
I had a panic attack in English, screaming down the hallway that I wanted to go home because I hate school and the people in it. I do, too. I don't want to go tomorrow, or Thursday or Friday, or ever. I don't like people, and the ones there don't like me very much either.
My Dad is home, so I will probably have to fucking drive, even though I don't want to. I don't want to do anything, I don't even want to go to Best Buy, because it's fucking useless to buy the second Strokes cd and not even have the first. I was looking forward to this fucking day, and now I can't, because I'm too upset to watch 24, too.
The guidance counselor at school said that I am going to go through a grieving process. My Dad is pissed off at me for being upset. At least I have writing, it makes me feel better. If I could write in here I would probably go crazy, although I think I'm pretty Goddamn close.
*Racecar*
<< Tuesday, Oct. 28, 2003@6:51 p.m.>>