I'm sorry that I've been sounding like such a bitch lately. These past few days have just been hell on Earth, if it's possible in this cold weather, that is. Dancer and Hydrogen called me on Monday and said that a tire on Dancer's car was flat. They told me they were near my house, so I walked to look for them, but couldn't find them. So, I took my car, because I have some stuff in my trunk to change tires with. I couldn't find them, so I called them several times, but I never did find them. Not only that, but my car hit ice and I hit into a wall. Now my rim is in need of replacing and my bumper is banged up. When I called them the last time, they told me they already had help. When the first called, I thought they had no one else to call.
Not only that, but they told me they were out dress shopping for the Winter Ball. Apparently, they think I can't/don't wear dresses. Even though I have one for the Winter Ball, I could always have looked around for a prom dress, because I need to get one early to get alterations on it. I'm not even sure I want to wear the one I have, because I'm worried it might not look good. They hadn't told me they were going dress shopping before, either. Dancer told me she was doing errands with her mom, and Hydrogen told me that she was doing homework. I can't believe that they lied to me like that, and then weren't even worried when I told them what happened to my car.
They're both mad at the poodle now, but yesterday Dancer talked to her and Boron instead of me. I got up said "It sure is fun being treated like shit!" and ran off to the guidance office. I was so mad at myself for letting this happen again, because it's happened so many times. I feel like it's my fault that I don't have good friends anymore, and it seems that my guidance counselor agreed. It pisses me off that having a mental problem is somehow an excuse to treat people like shit. It makes me mad that when someone does something to me, it's always okay for them because of my problem. Yet, if I do something, it's because of my problem and it's wrong for me to do. So why isn't it wrong for them? I honestly have to admit that I wish that Dancer and Hydrogen would get their due, though it's not nice to say, it's how I feel.
They had also told me they would hang out with me, but then they couldn't because it was a "bad day". Well, now we'll probably never hang out, but it's better that way. I can't take being treated like some maid that you only call when you want. I can't take feeling like my feelings aren't valid and only theirs are. I can't take all the lies and the backstabbing and the believing what the poodle says.
I have to go now. I don't know when I'll be back, either. I still feel really bad about the car, I don't even want to drive it that much. I don't know what else I should do, except talk to Carbon and see what she says. I do intend to delete their phone numbers off my cell phone and I'm not going to talk to them on the night of the Winter Ball, which is Friday. I want an apology and for them to change, but that's just too much to ask these days.
*Racecar*
<< Wednesday, Jan. 21, 2004@1:59 p.m.>>