Today was a usual Monday, I went to clarinet lessons, but I didn't go to Weight Watchers because I feel really uncomfortable there. Everyone there is older than me and heavier than me, so it makes me wonder why I am there. I'm actually kind of happy with my weight, but I'm not exactly thin, so I'm not sure if I should try to lose more weight or just stay at my current weight. So, I went to Newbury instead and the whole cd replacement thing is going good. I'm going to apply at the market near there tomorrow, because I didn't have the time today. I heard they might be going on strike there though, and I honestly don't want to have to walk through a picket line to apply for a job. Still, it's worth a shot.
I have some things I want to do this month and one of them qualifies as a summer thing. I definately want to go to the drive in sometime this week, I'm thinking Wednesday, I don't even care what I see, I just want to go. I also want to go see a Paw Sox game and go to one more concert, so I was on ticketmaster tonight just browsing some stuff. I didn't see anything really good, though. Except for two and one of which I actually need to buy the band's album first, but I heard they were good and I probably will buy one of their albums before the end of the month, probably next week.
Sunday I went up to my Grandma's and drove her to Friendly's. I honestly get nervous when I'm driving with an adult in the car, it's like having my permit all over again. Plus, I can't listen to music because she wouldn't like it. It was good though, and then she got some coffee at Brooks, because she loves coffee and has enough to last her a year, at least she does now. I smacked another rim on a curb on the way home.
I went outside a while ago and I was thinking about somethings. I love the summer, even though this has been a very bad summer for me. There's just something about the air, some kind of magic feeling, like there's hope in the air. I just feel like anything could happen. I kind of wish I had someone to go to Breezy Beach with, it was kind of fun to go there. It's really dirty there during the day you can see it all. At night, though, it's really nice. There's just something peaceful about it and you can see the house lights of people who live on the other side of the lake. I like sitting near the water and just thinking or even just sitting outside and thinking. I don't know why but it just makes me think that there is some hope. The only thing that irritates me, is that there are some times and people and things that have happened, that I ALWAYS think about when I'm outside in the summer time.
I don't know what is wrong with me, but there are some people that I think about every day without even trying. I hate it when someone means a great deal to you and you're afraid that everyone else will say they're not worth your thoughts or time, or when they really do. I guess there are some things in the past that I am still attached to and I am worried that I won't be able to move on because of it. I kind of wish I could just put the past in the past, look back on it fondly now and then, and not just constantly try to recreate the feelings I have had. There's this one feeling that I felt one of the last times I went to Breezy Lake and I would honestly kill to feel it again, because it was one of the best feelings I ever felt. I can't even explain it, other than to say that I felt alive and happy, in the most complete way I have ever felt before. I wonder if I will ever feel that way again.
I guess you can tell that I have been up to very little lately. I'm not honestly going to be doing much this week, either. I wanted to go to the beach, but I don't have much money and I just can't. I hope that it stays nice out for some part of this month so I can go, even if I'm alone. I'll write more later. Oh, and to anyone in my guild, I would like it if you would give me some suggestions for prizes and I'm going to be working on the layout soon, probably Friday or maybe tomorrow, depending on whether I go look for a job or not.
*Racecar*
<< Monday, Aug. 02, 2004@9:07 p.m.>>