I have been too tired lately to write. I've been pretty tired lately and I'm not sure why. I really wish that somethinng had come up in my blood test, but I guess nothing did because I never got a call. That sucks because my problem won't go away for the rest of my life.
I was pretty pissy today. I got mad in public twice and both times I felt like shit afterward. I also got a lecture about how I need to be on medication, but I really don't want to be. I can't swallow pills and everyone seems to think that is horrible. I probably can't have kids, either, but the whole swallowing pills thing is the end of the world, isn't it? I couldn't be bothered with being able to swallow pills. Seriously, it's not a big accomplishment and I'm sure there are people my age who can't swallow pills because they are afraid of choking on them.
I honestly want to learn to meditate and find ways to relax and focus on the positive. Hell, I'm sure anyone who reads this can figure that out by reading my other entries. I really have a hard time with it and my Dad says to try and think of the positive and to see each day as a fresh start. I really need to think like that, though it's going to be hard.
I want so badly to be happy and have more friends. I even want a boyfriend, though deep down I feel I'm probably not ready for one and that no one could handle me right now. I was pretty upset last night and most of today about that. I feel like there's something wrong with me because no guy that I know likes me and I can't imagine a guy out there right now thinking of me. Then again, making an ass of myself in front of Koa and having him ignore me probably doesn't help, either. I wish I could just pretend that every guy out there is gay, then it wouldn't bother me if they ignored me because there would be a reason for it.
I'm going to go online a bit and then take a bubble bath before bed to help calm me down. I even found Mr. Bubble bubble bath, which I haven't used in ages, if ever. Also, my car is being fixed on Saturday which has me really excited because my bumper is being fixed, too. I'm going to take some pictures of my car and put them online, just because I like it so much. Yeah, I'm probably a dork for it, I don't think most girls my age take pride in their cars, but I do. I don't think I would like it as much if I hadn't picked it out myself though. Mr. Bubbles awaits, so good night.
*Racecar*
<< Thursday, Mar. 16, 2006@10:27 p.m.>>