I didn't write last night because I went out with some kids from work. We went out to play pool at Boston Billiards. It was my first time playing pool, but I did pretty good and got in about three or four balls over the course of four games and I nearly got about three more in. Eventually I'll get the hang of it, and I want to go again next Sunday and almost every week if I can. It's weird though, because those kids drive so fast compared to me. I usually do ten over the speed limit, because that's what every Rhode Islander does (seriously and very few people get in trouble). I think it's weird how all GM cars owned by teenagers smell the same. I swear the girl I work with has a car that smells like Dancer's old Pontiac Grand AM. I know that's an odd thing to write about, but that's all I could think of when I sat in her Oldsmobile. That, and how much I wish my car had a PA system, she can even yell at people on the street, like her friend who she told to come with us.
There was a kid who played with us who was a huge VW fan, I guess he has the VW logo tattooed on him, which is odd. I thought it was funny how he got mad at the other girl who was with us when she started bitching about the Beetle. He's going to be working at Wal Mart soon, which is good becuase over the weekend I was getting kind of pissed at having to work in up to three departments at the same time. Especially because people tend to think that you know where EVERYTHING is, and even people who shop there don't know where certain things are. I swear, that place has no reasoning to it at all. Also, am I the only person who thinks Larry the Cable Guy isn't funny? That blue collar comedy stuff just feels too lowbrow to me, though I used to love that kind of stuff when I was little.
I didn't have a very good day today though, I was very tired from last night, since I didn't get to bed until tweleve thirty at night. I also had a hard time with Harmony and Improv 2 and ended up yelling at the Jazz Nazi, who yelled back and told me to leave class if I wanted to. I did, but he got mad at me for sniffling because I was making too much noise. This has happened before to me and it sucks. I just felt so angry at the way that him and the other two students in the class ignored me and excluded me. They just generally made me feel stupid and not welcome in their little group. Honestly, it sucked to have to feel like shit about my playing every time I went in there, because I would always hear how good Koa is and how I did this and that wrong. I also was mad at how he never explained stuff and just assumed we understood it, because I never did and he didn't even want to explain that stuff outside of class. He felt that the stuff we didn't understand was knowledge we needed to fill in ourselves, which sucks because his class takes up so much time it's hard to do outside learning.
I'm pretty sure I'll never go out with Koa now, when only two weeks ago I was thinking of how great he was. I know he isn't for me, he's worse than most guys I've liked in that he totally ignores me and I think he was only nice to me because he works for my guitar teacher, who was his teacher for several years. I hate the way that my problem has ruined my social life and always does. I can't take it anymore, I want good friends and a nice boyfriend so much. It seems like everyone my age has been in love and it sucks to not know what it's like. I know it's not all great but I just don't want to be an old lady by the time I fall in love with someone who loves me, too. I also have the feeling when I do fall in love it won't be with the right guy for me, anyway. I want to get all that over with.
I'm going to look at going to a psychiatrist and getting some medication, who knows when I will find the right one. I would like it to be soon, because I feel like I am getting more stressed every day. The doctor didn't call me about my problem today, I'm already looking for another one because I'm sick of her shit. If she wanted to call me, then how come she didn't a week ago when she got the results? I know that everyone would probably think I am overreacting, but if my pituitary gland isn't working right, that could be affecting my mood and I am sick of having this problem. It may be connected to the whole patch thing, too and that's been going on for four years next month. It hurts to know that any guy I like in the future has yet another reason to reject me, and this one I can't even control, though I wish I could. I just want an answer so badly right now, I want to know if there is anything I can do to at least fix the newer problem. It makes me mad that my doctor expects me to live with my problem for the rest of my life. I don't want to tell anyone because it could be considered gross or too much information or whatever you would call it. I'm thinking I should call it the tenth reason I can't sleep at night.
I just want to be better so I can lead a real life for once and maybe have some good luck. I'm going to bed. Good night.
*Racecar*
<< Monday, Mar. 20, 2006@10:37 p.m.>>