I'm thinking of getting a Gold membership again, I just keep forgetting to. It was one of the first few things I wanted to do when I got a job, but then a ton of other stuff came up. I regularly spend my own weekly allowance, and I haven't been buying that much in the way of anime lately. Though I did get the second Death Note box set this week, I actually had my Dad get it for me at Best Buy. I was surprised that they carried it and that he actually got the right one, since the first and second box sets are so similar it's scary (with the exception of the number on the box).
I had a very good Easter, which sucks a bit, because it's been downhill since then. I picked up Jody around one (I got to sleep in and watch Bleach on Saturday night, it felt great!) and then we went to my Grandma's. On the way, we listened to this playlist that we created to listen to in the car. One of the songs was "Dick in a Box", since I got the Lonely Island album not that long ago. The whole dinner, we kept making jokes about boxes, which bothered my Grandma. We even let the young waitress at Chelo's in on the joke. We basically would say things like "Oh, those flowers come in a box." "I wish I had a brick in a box." and my Grandma would say "You guys and that box." then we would just start laughing hysterically. The best part was when we got dessert, and I couldn't finish mine. Jody was like "She really does need a box, we're not joking." I thought I was going to die of laughter.
Then, we went to Barnes and Noble, which was open their usual Sunday hours. On the way in, we started talking about Bleach, since I got Jody two Bleach plushies from FYE for her birthday (which is a week from Sunday). I gave them to her early because at the time, I didn't know if I'd be able to go to her birthday party. I actually will be able to, which is good, though she said she doesn't mind if I don't go, because I have a concert that night and work in the morning. But, I want to go because she is my best friend and I never really go to parties, or any social event. Anyway, I got her Uryu and Rukia, which is funny because they'll never end up together, but the plushies do tend to make out, and do other things I can't write here. Anyway, Jody was talking about them, and about the girl that Uryu tends to get put with, Orihime. Well, instead of calling her Orihime, she called her orgasm. In front of my Grandma, mind you. I laughed so hard, I must've looked crazy. I look even worse, sitting in front of my laptop cracking up in the Fine Arts Center.
After that, we went back to my Grandma's and dropped her off. We went to go see "I Love You, Man" because I think it'll probably be out of the theatre by the time May comes and I'm done with exams. It was the most fun I've had at the movies in a while. There is this cheap, independent cinema near my Grandma's (almost everything else out here is a Showcase, except for the Drive In and the Cinemaworld, but the Cinemaworld is very big and in Lincoln, and the Drive In isn't open yet). Anyway, it was only five dollars for the ticket, and I got a bag of popcorn and Coke, though that was the same price as the Showcase. The coolest thing was that it was just the two of us in the theatre. They didn't start the movie on time, so we thought we were in the wrong theatre. I went out to check, and when I came back in (after I realized we were in the right theatre) the movie started. It made this loud screeching as the sound and screen turned on, which caused Jody to nearly jump out of her seats. We made stupid comments the whole movie, and beforehand, I let my phone do some talking.
I don't think I mentioned this, but I have Bleach: Shattered Blade for the Wii. I brought it over to Jody's house for her game night, and the way Ichigo says "Dammit" when he loses is funny, so I put it on my phone. I totally want it as a ringtone, but my LG Chocolate won't let me. I'm hoping the phone I get next month will let me put a sound as a ringtone. I think "Dammmmmit" is better than any song. Seriously, I imagine you can find a video of the game on YouTube, then you can laugh along, or realize how crazy Jody and I have become.
The movie was really good, too. I want to get it on DVD when it comes out (or maybe Blu Ray, if and when I remember to put the Blu Ray player in my room). Jody liked it too, which made me happy. The main character reminded her a bit of Diana's fiance Armand (the part where he asks her why they're getting married), which kind of made me laugh. Actually he's not her fiance yet, he's going to ask her on May 29th (I don't know why anyone would want their engagement planned out in advance like that).
Then, we went back to Jody's and watched Bleach, we're almost done with the Soul Society arc, we might finish it tomorrow or maybe Saturday. I've already seen it, but it's fun to see how she reacts to it, though she still doesn't know half the characters, and I can't remember how long it took me to remember who everyone was/is.
Monday was okay because I didn't work, but composition was frustrating. She wants me to write another chorale. I'm actually almost done with it and plan to finish it today, but I imagine this one is bad, too. It was easier to write, but I bet there aren't enough cadences or key changes. Then I have to fix my electronic music stuff and study for the test, not to mention actually notate the electronic part (which is the hardest thing to do and which I wanted to finish this week, but I'll probably end up doing it next week).
Tuesday was just the usual long day, which I hate. Wednesday was some form of hell on Earth. I went to bed late Tuesday because I got home late on Tuesday. I couldn't sleep because I was so nervous about the next day. I worked from eight to four, came home, played guitar for a half hour, ate for about an hour (though I also ate and played guitar, which is a bit of a oxymoron, don't ask how it works). Then, I went to school for chorus practice, and that is where the day began to suck.
We were there from seven until almost nine thirty, which means I didn't get home until almost ten thirty. We were cramped on the risers, my feet fell asleep, I nearly got beheaded by the girl behind me, I nearly fell of the riser and I got poked by the girl in front of me because I apparently was hitting her with my binder, even though she could've just moved forward, seeing as I was on the edge of the riser already, and the girl behind me STILL wanted more room.
After that was over, I got in my car and just wept. I hate school so much. I feel like such a failure as a person and a musician here. Yeah, I'm a music major and all the stuff that comes with it, but no one ever wants to hear me play and no one seems to like what I write. Not to mention I can't write what I want or even play what I want. Take all that away and I'm suddenly not much of a musician, am I? I know it's not always about what I want, but I would just like to have one thing to play or write that is mine and no one else's. I hate how guitar is made for guys. I can't paint my nails, or wear a skirt (I sit when I play, that's why). I sometimes feel like this is all stripping me of any identity I had, I feel like a faceless drone, and I'm treated like one, too.
I came home and bitched at my Dad. I feel bad for him, he has such a tough day and then has to come home, only to hear me tell him to go downstairs so I can work out, or bitch at him for the stuff that is wrong in my life (which is almost never his fault, which bothers him because he can't fix it). I feel like a bad daughter sometimes. I mean, I haven't done anything really bad in a while, but I still feel crappy. I want to be a good friend, a good daughter, a good everything, and I feel like I've failed at most, if not all, of it.
Then I came to school today and it was Honors Convocation. I thought maybe I would get a certificate. Despite how silly I am, or stupid I seem to be, I do get good grades. I mostly get As and Bs and I'm on the Dean's List. I figure that would qualify me for the Music Honor Society. I guess not, because I wasn't called at all, no one with a last name before D was called (Bunny was inducted last year, he is actually talking down the hall from me and in my view, it's hard not to stare daggers at him. He named his stuffed crocodile after himself, I'm surprised he isn't kissing a mirror right now.). I imagine it is because they think I am not a good musician. I told Jody at lunch (I called her) about that, and she said I'm a good guitarist. All my friends say that, but it's always just them. I'm sure even some of you reading this would say I'm good. You're kind of supposed to, though. Friends are supposed to support the endeavors of their friends (unless you're Diana, in which case you're too crazy to do so).
I don't know anymore. I wish I had the answers, I hope it's just some kind of instinct inside of me that will awaken some day. I wish I would wake up to the world around me instead of closing myself off. Heck, I'm not even going to Anime Club tonight. It was fun the first few times, but I hated it last time. Seriously, I hate subs. It's not even laziness (though it's partly that, I'm sure), but I can't stand staring at a screen for three hours, without being able to close my eyes or look away for a while. I feel like if I do when I watch subs, I will miss a part of the plot and be lost. I also like to look at the art, and it's hard to do that when I'm reading the subtitles. Not to mention the show we are watching is kind of boring and dialogue heavy. It's also weird, because we don't talk about stuff, or vote on things. I almost wish I could start my own Anime Club, but since there already is one, it couldn't be at school. I don't know if I even know enough about anime to do that. I wouldn't mind being in a book club, either, or starting one. But I never have enough time to read books. I need to get out into the world though. Anyway, I spent about a half hour writing this, which means I got no work done and need to go to class now. How does this always happen when I write in here? I probably didn't feel like doing work in the first place.-*Rukia*
P.S.-Jody=Rensemee (I hate typing that name, the spell check goes off every time, plus I'm lazy).
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