I am not having a good day today, though I guess I should expect this shit to happen to me. I am honestly pretty depressed because the same shit keeps happening again and again. I have to go and get some research books for a project that I don't know whether I am doing or not, though I do need to start it.
I got upset in Math class and they called securtiy on me. I ended up in the fucking Counseling office where the fat asshole who doesn't listen to a fucking word I say was talking to me. I'm so tired of this, I wish they could just take out my brain or something, I'm so tired of being told I NEED pills. What part of "I can't swallow pills." does anybody understand? Do you really think they make liquid Prozac? No, because real adults can and love to take pills, they're not like me, they'll swallow whatever you give them. I ought to become a Scientologist so I can say my religion doesn't allow me to take pills.
I just want to drop out of college completely. I see my Dad working at that shitty job of his and he has a college degree. I feel like it is just some big block that I have to get over to get to real life. I don't want to take another fucking math class ever again. I don't want to be around the same assholes from school, I don't ever want to see or hear those people ever again. Everyone in my family thinks I need pills now, because of what that asshole said. He also said he was going to e-mail me, and I don't see one fucking e-mail. I'm trying to e-mail my professors, but the fucking system is down. I am so tired of that shit hole of a school, I really want to just drop out. I don't want to talk to that guy ever again and telling him that I was talking to a therapist was like telling him I sit on my ass all day and do nothing. He thinks I need to see someone who can give me pills and that I need to do it today even though the lady doesn't have a secretary and probably won't return my call until next week. Going to a hospital won't help, I just wish I could get a lobotomy and just be stupid all my life, there's no point in this right now.
I am sorry for my hissy fit, but there is no one in my fucking house and no one wants to be here. I have a family who is too busy to try and help me and I just feel really alone. I just really want to be happy and not be so angry with myself. Oh, and if some asshole at HJY thinks it's cool to play "Crazy Train" everyday, they need to go to hell. I am so tired of that song that and the stupid Gorillaz song, it sucked and Pearl Jam every fucking day. The radio can sometimes feel like a blessing, but really people, repition is for stupid people, then again, I feel stupid listening to the radio.
I really do hope that things get better. Does anyone think that they will? Will I ever get to have people around me who can actually accept me and love me? I have to think that it's a joke sometimes. I just hope this woman calls me back and either tells me I don't need pills or realizes how sensitive my body is, because it is. I mean, I'm getting dry skin on my fingers from carrying my guitar around so much. I'm going to go and try to e-mail my teachers again. I am sorry about being so vague about what happened, but I have told everyone except my Dad, though he probably already knows. I'm getting really sick of everyone right now, including myself. Bye.
*Racecar*
<< Monday, Nov. 21, 2005@3:42 p.m.>>