I am really bummed out tonight. Just looking at the top 5 songs on iTunes makes me wish I could rip my ears right off. Nickelback?!?!?! There are people who are still stupid enough to listen to those ugly guys? You've got to be fucking kidding me. If they made good music, they wouldn't be bad at all, but their music sucks and they look like trolls, so what is the point? I honestly don't think the rest of the top five is any good either. I mean I hate the Black Eyed Peas with some kind of fury I can't understand, except that their music sounds so fucking commerical it almost makes Phil Collins look intelligent, which I thought was hard. I can't stand him, either, I'm so tired of hearing his shit at Wal Mart and my Dad listens to it, too. I mean, the guy makes music for those dumb adult alternative station that people are forced to listen to at work. I just need to go on that rant because it seems like everyone lately has to like at least one shitty band, and I know there are a few that I like that aren't good, you don't know how embarassed I am that I like Franz Ferdinand because there are so many dance bands like them around now, and I hate all of those bands. I'm just tired of people listening to bad bands and thinking they're good, because I think that bad music is pretty obvious, it's the good stuff that's sometimes hard to recognize.
I didn't do good on my voice test even though I thought I was going to. When I practiced the songs at home they sounded good, but then when I sang today, I could tell I was off. It really upset me and I know it's stupid, but even the girls who aren't musicians in that class can sing better than me. It worries me because in Jazz Harmony, because I'm the only girl, I AM my own section and if I can't fucking hold one damn note without my voice cracking like a boy who is going through puberty, then I think I have a problem. I'm a fucking girl and my voice was cracking today, and the highest note was the B above middle C, which isn't that high, at least not for a girl's voice. I tired to work it out while I was singing, because it seemed like I was singing a half step below what I should've been singing, but all I did was project myself out more. It really bummed me out and I have to admit that I cried afterward. I mean, what the hell am I good at? I can't make friends and keep them, I can't get a boyfriend, I can't play guitar very well, I can't do theory as well as I thought and I suck at singing. I'm bad at math, english, everything it seems.
The only good news I got today was that my car is not in fact damaged and I now have $500 that I can spend on getting a new door and getting it painted. I did need to get a new caliper, but my Dad bought that and is going to put it in next week. My brake fluid is leaking out of the back passanger's side caliper, which I think is normal for my car, since the other caliper was frozen when we got my car. I'm also thinking of buying a trumpet before the year is over, or a bass, I'm not sure which. I know if I get a bass I'm going to get a Mexican Fender bass, because I have heard nothing but good about Fender basses in general and the Mexicans seem to be pretty good. I'd get an American one, but I'm not that interested in being good at bass playing, just at knowing it so I can do it if I need to. I would love to learn trumpet because it is such a cool instrument and I really like the idea of knowing a brass instrument, I like the idea of getting a saxophone and learning how to play that, too. I want to try to take one at a time though and I would only play trumpet in my spare time, or bass, whichever one I choose. Which one do you think I should pick? Let me know, not that I'll go out and get one now, probably not until December or later.
Not much else is going on. I think the Red Sox just ended their season, which sucks, but hopefully they'll learn from it and get some damn pitchers who know how to pitch, or who stay good the whole year and don't just burn out at the end. I just hate the way that all the Yankee fans are going to get cocky now, though I don't think they'll make it very far in the playoffs either, they're just playing a really shitty team right now. I'd like to see the White Sox win the World Series this year, so I'm going to root for them.
Anyway, I'm going to go to bed now. I have a ton of things that I need to do tomorrow. I might go out to eat for my birthday, though probably not. I hate that it falls on a Monday this year, Mondays suck and everybody knows it. I'm just really frustrated with life right now because it seems like things are actually getting worse instead of better. I honestly just want to know when it is going to stop and I can finally start living with people who care about me. I'm a little bummed because the guy I like admitted again that he wouldn't like me, though I already knew that. I'm just that fucking stupid that I'll like him even though I have no chance in the history of the world ever for a million reasons, though some of them do make sense. I wish I could find a real guy so I don't have to like the same assholes over and over again, I mean ever guy that I've ever liked has been like that. None of them like girls with hazel eyes or curly hair or glasses. They like the ones who primp in the mirror, straighten their hair and wear tons of makeup. They want girls who seem perfect to others, even if they aren't. All my flaws are so out there it's sick. Ugh, love sucks. Good night.
*Racecar*
<< Wednesday, Sept. 28, 2005@10:21 p.m.>>