Hello, anyone! I don't think anyone's been writing in any diaries around here lately, and I find it kind of weird.
FiFi has a diary on the other diary site, and it's so annoying. I know it's her, but she won't admit it, and I'm trying to get her to. She's also been talking shit about my friends and I in it, so I don't know why she's noting me. I think she's just trying to piss me off for all the stuff I've done to her, but I don't know what any of that is.
I don't know what to do about anything anymore. It's too confusing, and it doesn't seem worth it. Though now, I've kind of been forced to think about where I want to go to college. I think it's so weird, how this time that I've been waiting for for so long has finally come. I'm really glad, but I'm a bit scared, not just of how things will be in the real world, but if I can really accomplish what I want without being laughed at, or if my fears were right to begin with.
My guidance counselor asked me what I wanted to do with my life, as in, what kind of job I want, since that would dictate where I went to college. I think I know what I want to do, but I just don't think I can tell him. I've never been able to tell anyone like him anything about my dreams, because I'm always afraid they're going to laugh at me, especially when it's a dream like this, which I take seriously, because it means something to me, and even if it doesn't work out, it always will. I don't know if there are many people who would understand.
It makes me kind of sad, the way that I feel like I'm not cut out for anything in particular. I'm supposedly a good writer, but if I was, wouldn't it be something I enjoyed? I just don't know sometimes. I don't think that's what I want to do, because I know so many more people who write better than me, and I don't know if people tell me that because I just don't seem like I'd have any other talents. I know that any thing I decide to do is going to take a ton of work, but I really think that as long as it gets me out of here, I'll do it.
I'm going with Carbon today to walk with her Mom at about three in the afternoon, but I have some stuff to do before that, so I probably won't be updating any of my other diaries until tomorrow, not that anyone reads them.
I'm really tired right now, so I think I'll go back to bed. I was up until one in the morning last night, watching "Behind the Music that Sucks" on MMUSA. There was also a preview of it on the regular cable, which meant it was on my tv, but it went off at midnight for no reason, other than that the cable company is a bunch of pot heads.
I'm kind of in an odd mood right now. Why do teachers always assign the most homework when it's nice out? I don't want to do any of it now, I want to go outside and watch the spring come, and the summer, too. I want to go out and live already, I want to breathe the nice air and realize that I can go anywhere I want to, but I know I can't, and no matter how much I try to recall it, those nice days will never come back. I miss everyone so much sometimes, and right now is one of them. But, there's nothing I, or anyone else can do to bring any of them back, they're all kind of dead. I think I'm going to go sleep now. Bye!
*Racecar*
<< Monday, Mar. 17, 2003@9:19 a.m.>>