Hello! I'm sorry I didn't update yesterday, like I usually would, but I had to do a History paper that's due second period today. I did finish it, and then I ended up sleeping really badly last night.
You see, my Dad had planned this trip to New York, it was this bus trip his work planned, actually. He signed up for it, and last night, the answering machine was blinking. So, I listened to it, because this number I didn't know had shown up on the caller i.d. I have in my room. There was a guy who called, saying that the trip was already full and he was sending my Dad's check back.
It really upset me, because, you see, I haven't taken a vacation in almost two years, and I was really hoping to go somewhere, and New York is one of my favorite cities (now the stalkers will know where to find me). Anyway, it just made me mad, and then, to top it off, I've been gaining weight lately. I think I know why, too.
Every week, my Dad cooks dinner, only once a week, on his days off. Last night, he made French fries and potato chips and a steak. I really didn't like the fact that he doesn't take into consideration that I'm attempting to diet (attmepting being the key word here). It just makes me mad, and when I told him (note that by now I was crying like there was no tomorrow), he got mad at me and told me to cook myself, which I plan to do on Saturday, since I will have little to no homework and no one to do anything with.
I don't know what's going on lately, but I've been getting really aggrivated lately. I don't know what starts it, I just know there's no one to talk about it with. Every time I go to the therapist's, I'm so tired that I don't feel like talking about any of it. I've lost all my energy to be angry. I almost always get it back in the morning, or at seven at night, an hour before I go to bed.
All these little things have been annoying me lately. Like the way my guidance counselor tells me what colleges to go to. The way I can't keep up the ball in volleyball. The way I can't type on the keyboards of the school computers. The way I feel like I'm alone so much of the time, especially at lunch. The way FiFi has been treating me like I don't exist and blaming it on me. The way Boron ignores me at lunch, the way Hydrogen is always trying to one up me. The way half of the world seems to both like Hydrogen better than me and think she's more important than me. The way I can't sleep at night anymore, the fact that I'm getting fat. It makes me wonder if just falling into a coma for the next five years wouldn't be better.
I've kind of been putting off everything until the summer, when I can take time to think like a normal person again. I just hope it's a good summer, because I just want to get my mind off of all the pressure I feel has been on me. I wouldn't mind if I could find someone who would like me for who I am, too. Maybe even find someone who would help me out with my life, because I just don't think I can handle it all. It would be nice, but I don't know. I never know.
*Racecar*
<< Thursday, Mar. 20, 2003@8:05 a.m.>>