Today has been a pretty normal day. Carbon was late for the bus, and probably isn't here, my other friends are ignoring me. Just a normal day in Welfare Town. There are a few things that have been bothering me, though. Since no one reads this anymore, I feel I can air out all my anger without having to take much slack for it, with the exception of the librarians banning me for life from any form of a computer.
I passed a Math quiz this morning, which was really cool. I think I may have gotten a 100, and my Math teacher signed my National Honor Society character thing, and I have to get my English and Chemistry teachers to do the same later on today. My Dad was supposed to make me a sandwhich and bring it to me at school, but either the people in student management ate it, like they did my Coke last year, or he forgot.
Carbon was supposed to help me with community service for Honor Society, but she can't, even though she said she was sure she could. She has a date for the Junior Prom, and so does Hydrogen, who was supposed to get me one in the first place, though she forgot. I was talking to her last night, and I was depressed, because now I don't have the community service hours to get into Honor Society. I was trying to talk to her, but she wanted to talk about her latest stoner. I felt like she was shoving it in my face, so I just got off the messenger.
Sometimes, I hate my friends. They never listen to me when I try to tell them something, especially when I'm depressed. I was talking to Carbon earlier in the day, on the phone, and all she kept talking about was how she wanted chocolate. There was nothing I could do about it. My Dad said he would help me with the hours, but even he had a few choice words, about how I should have known ahead of time, etc. It's kind of hard to help your community when you can barely get out of your own house. I'm tempted to lie, but I need someone to help me lie, and no one will.
I hate that, the way that no one ever really helps me, though they always say they will, and how there's never anyone to talk to when I want to talk about how no one helps me. I feel like no one wants to listen to me, like I'm just some record that no one wants to hear, a show no one wants to watch. Sometimes, I wonder if it's worth it.
The only one who would listen to me last night was my Dad. He said a guy would discover me someday. It was kind of weird, like I'm some young starlet, waiting for some director to cast me in a summer blockbuster. I don't really want anyone around here to like me anyway, I'm just not too eager to stay tied down here in anyway. I know everyone else gets so sentimental about their hometown, but I feel like a number here, like 04608 is all I am, and all I mean to anyone. I don't think anyone here will care, though when June of 2004 comes, I won't either.
I don't know what to do in the downtime that is now, though. I've been trying to be good and stay in a good mindset but it's kind of hard. It's hard to not wonder if there's more I should be doing. If I was outgoing I might actually have a date to the dance, too, and I wouldn't be sitting by myself, in the limo, while my friends coo at their dates and compliment their dresses only to dump them a week later, and tell me how horrible guys are, when I always believed they weren't.
It's only two weeks until the dance, too. It's also two weeks until grades close. Hopefully, I'll have everything as passing, though as of now I do, so I don't think anything can slide too badly. The only thing that's going good right now are my classes. Though I know that the only thing that's keeping me going now is the thought that I might get out of this hell hole someday soon. I can't wait.
For now,
*Miss*Racecar*Horlas*
<< Monday, Mar. 27, 2000@11:39 p.m.>>