I'm pretty tired. I think it's weird how I didn't start getting weird Google hits until a couple of weeks ago, those things are so odd. It hink the only time I ever searched for something on Google and ended up on someone's diary was when I was looking for song lyrics for squareone and I thought I had stumbled upon a lyric diary with those lyrics in it. Yet, they weren't there, the person was just a fan of the band.
I had a weird day today because I came into work at tweleve, though I was scheduled to come in at ten, I decided not to because I thought the woman who I usually work with was going to be there. Anyway, she wasn't there so when I came in I had to clean up and cover Jewelry for a while. The woman who worked there on Saturday night for all of two weeks decided she needed to be transfered, so there is no one to work there on Saturday nights, which sucks because I hate covering Jewelry. Anyway, I got out of work at seven so I could have gone out and had fun, but I stayed home, went online, played guitar and did my Math homework. I feel like such a nerd. There was a Dresden Dolls concert around here that I wanted to go to, but I didn't want to go by myself and I also was tired. Plus, it's fucking raining again, I'm really sick of it raining all the time in New England.
Is it just me, or can the Boston Bruins not win more than one game in a row this season? They can't win on the road, they can't win at home, I think the only place they actually win in is some alternate universe in which they are a good team. I only say that because even the Celtics will win some games in their season and they will make it to the first round of the playoffs and lose like they do every year. The Bruins will just lose like they've been doing for the past thirty years or so. I don't even think they'll make the playoffs, even when the Patriots and the Red Sox lose big titles, they always end up in the playoffs, they don't just blow the whole season right away. It just kind of is weird to see a local team struggle so much that you just dread hearing about every game. I'm not a big hockey fan but most of the sports teams around here get into the playoffs at least once every couple of years.
I honestly have to wonder how I think sometimes. Is it normal to think that you think too differently? I always see people doing things and I honestly can't think of how I could ever do them. Does anyone ever feel like that? I see girls bending over backwards for guys who are assholes or who don't care about them. I worry that's why I don't have a boyfriend, because I don't want to be dependent on anyone and I don't want to change for anyone. I want to be able to be me and be loved for that. Yet, whenever I have a friend who is in love or see a couple, I notice that they change. My girl friends back when I had ones, used to always starting caring about their appearance more and only caring about their boyfriend and not giving a fuck about their friends. I notice the guys I know would get like that, too. It honestly freaks me out the way that love seems to take over people's minds and I don't want to lose my mind over someone. I know maybe that sounds stupid because I do want a boyfriend and I do want to be in love someday, and I mean the real thing, not hlaf the stuff that's called love these days, something that actually lasts. Maybe I think about it too much just like my friends who are in love do. I honestly think hearing about it more and more bothers me more and more. The whole not having anyone like me just makes me question my self worth, the way that few people seem to truly like and care about me makes me worry I'm not really worth being cared about. I'm sorry I repeat myself so much, but it is always on my fucking mind.
I'm going to go read my Enterainment Weekly now, I don't know anyone else who even reads it, but I've been reading it since I was thirteen. I don't like teen magazines, it seems like they're just gossip magazines for people my age and stupid advice that either doesn't apply to me or I don't care about. I'm going to go do that and then go to bed. Goodnight.
*Racecar*
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