Yeah, like Homer Simpson, I am obsessing over food. I think it's the only thing that I'm looking forward to at the end of the day now, that and playing guitar, even though I told a kid at school today it was just for show. He asked me if I was trying out for the jazz band, because they needed a good guitarist. I figure that Mr. Lambchops or someone of his type should be in it, and not me. Our class was put into two groups today, and I was in group two. It kind of pisses me off the way the teacher is OBVIOUSLY biased towards the better players. Like I'm automatically bad because I don't know all the ninth chords? My guitar teacher doesn't think so. I think the second group should be worked with more, because we're the group that is the least experienced and therefore needs the most teaching. It also looks like I won't be plugging in for a while.
There are some cute guys in our class, and I made an idiot out of myself in front of them. Not that they probably don't already have girlfriends, but a short shy girl can dream, can't she? Especially this kid in my group, but he doesn't like me. I got upset in class today because I couldn't find a bathroom with toilet paper, soap, paper towels or working faucets. I think my hygeine was negative and I can tell you that I nearly peed my pants. I did yell at one of the cops at the school that I was going to piss on the floor. It was true, too. I had to walk halfway around the school to get there and I REALLY had to go! It just pisses me off that I can't even have the right to go to the bathroom at school. My Dad says I should call the Health Department and some boaring day afterschool, I probably will get real pissed and do so. Not that they'll do anything about it, but it's just fun to bitch to someone, especially when it's their job to listen! :) My Dad said I might have to get a petition, but EVERYONE in the school realizes the situation is inhumane, so it's not hard I'm tired of not doing anything, I want to make a stand, even if it doesn't do anything.
Anyway, I didn't have a very good day. I cried in the first and last two periods, which I feel bad about, because it's not good to do that. Yet, I just haven't been feeling very good lately. I feel like my friends are trying to avoid me and that nothing is the same with them anymore, no matter how much either side wants it to be. It pisses me off that they are being like this because I have a mental problem. I had to go off of the Lexapro completely, because it just made me too tired and I really need something that won't make me tired. I'm not falling asleep in class anymore and I'm more awake than I used to be. Yet, I'm also crying more and I really hate that. I'm trying to control it, but I just feel like I'm stuck in a neverending situation. It makes me think that the bitches always get what they want. It seems like every girl who has ever treated me like shit, even though I never did anything, has everything I want. The boyfriend, the loyal large group of friends, a ride to and from school,etc. Even my friends are friends with these girls! Yet, here I am, my birthday about a week away, and I have no plans for it whatsoever, because no one wants to do anything with me that night except Carbon (thank God for her, I probably would've cried by eyeballs right out if it weren't for her and Puppy, too). Anyway, I think that weekend will be decently good, I hope. I think this depression will be gone soon, probably before the end of the school year. Right now, I'm off to enjoy some pork chops! Bye!
*Racecar* P.S.-This fits my personality to a T, doesn't it?
| The Big Five Personality Test |
| Extroverted | |||||||||| | 36% |
| Introverted | |||||||||||||||| | 64% |
| Friendly | |||||||||||||| | 60% |
| Aggressive | |||||||||| | 40% |
| Orderly | |||||||||| | 40% |
| Disorderly | |||||||||||||| | 60% |
| Relaxed | |||||||||| | 38% |
| Emotional | |||||||||||||||| | 62% |
| Intellectual | |||||||||||||| | 60% |
| Practical | |||||||||| | 40% |
<< Wednesday, Sept. 24, 2003@6:19 p.m.>>