Today wasn't a very good day. I tried out for Jazz Ensemble and I don't think I did good. Dr. Stick got mad at me for almost everything, from the way I tuned my guitar, to the fact that I didn't put the strap on it, mostly because I didn't put the strap locks on yet and I don't want to drop my Gibson. I had that happen to my other Gibson because I didn't use strap locks and I ended up busting a tuning key pretty bad so the guitar didn't hold the tune right anymore. What would be the point of having a gutiar that doesn't stay in tune? I just thought it was stupid, becuase the other guitar player who tried out didn't have strap on his guitar, either, since I saw him carrying his guitar out.
I'm also sick of everyone being so fucking rude to me at school. I was limping to my car yesterday when some asshole honked at me, and I nearly got run down by a fucking Jeep today. Seriously, I'm just trying to walk the five miles to my damn car! Just leave me alone! I don't understand why guys can't be nice to me and I really have to fume about that right now, I'm sorry if anyone out there thinks guys are nice, they're almost never nice to me. I just think there is something wrong with me because of that. I saw Hydrogen today and she had a whole group of boys talking to her. I worry I'm like some sick dog at the pound, and everyone can see there is something wrong with me, but me of course. So, everyone just avoids me because they know there is something wrong with me.
I was looking at the UMass Darthmouth website and I really want to go there. I just really want to get out of here. I hope that I can go to a four year college next fall. I think it's so stupid that the head of the music department wants me to stay. She told me it's better there, but she doesn't have to deal with Dr. Stick, he honestly just isn't encouraging or anything. I think he is just as cold as any other stupid teacher at any other college in the country. I don't feel like they're that supportive there at all, but I just really like being encouraged and supported, if you can't already tell.
My Dad isn't having a good week, either. My dumbass Aunt called, she is such an asshole, she never talks to my Dad's side of the family, and yet since her husband (my uncle) got into a motorcycle accident last week, she has been calling early in the morning to bother my Dad and ask for stuff. Even though we don't see her or my uncle any time of the year and they never call any other time. I guess she had an accident with her big, ugly truck (I'm starting to think all trucks are ugly, but hers is all black, which I think is much worse.) and she wants my Dad to pick it up because she can't drive it. She is always spending time with her side of the family and not my uncle's I just don't see why they can help her. She is honestly pshyco, she told my uncle that he inconveniced her when he got into his motorcycle accident. Isn't that so stupid? Even her family thinks she is crazy because she hordes money like you wouldn't believe. I honestly think she should get some professional help, because she's been like this for twenty years now, I think more.
I'm frustrated with myself like I always am right now. I'm waiting for an e-mail to come and it looks like it won't be coming, which makes me mad. I keep getting spam and other stuff. I just hate that, and my credit card bill never came, so I'm sending them a payment this Friday and hoping I get one next week. I'm going to try and go to the Post Office on Thursday and talk to them about getting a p.o. box because we keep getting all the wrong mail and missing stuff because the mailman can't read for the life of him. Some asshole put down the wrong zip code, so now we get all his mail, too. I tried looking him up in the phonebook, but he's not listed. I know because I got a letter that was for his wife and it was Wakefield on the address, but it had Coventry's zip code. How can you not know your own zip code? Doesn't everyone know that? I really worry that if I ever do get a date, or get married, that I will spawn and the kid will be stupid. I also worry I'll end up with some stupid jackass like the guys around here who climb the ladder to get their workboots, when I'm right in front of them. You know, the ones who drive trucks so high they light up your car? I hate those guys. I think there should be some kind of federal regulation on the height of healights so people with normal cars don't get blinded driving at night. Does anyone else feel that way?
I'm going to put a song in here that I've been listening to a lot lately. It's a Jawbreaker song so I didn't put it in squareone. I don't feel like explaining it, just let me say I really like the second verse the best. I feel like I'm not good enough for the people I like all the time. I really need to learn to stop thinking that way. It's just so hard though and I'm unhappy with where I am in life, so it kind of makes things worse because I feel like it's my fault. Anyway, here it is:
"Sea Foam Green"-Jawbreaker
A '63, 10,000 miles.
What was I thinking?
I drove myself insane.
No small getaway.
Asleep with both hands on the wheel.
White knuckle weekend.
Chewing ephedrine.
Going to an unnamed end.
Unending...
We met in rain, you asked me in.
Seemed like a good sign.
Now I need a guillotine
to get you off my mind.
I brush my teeth until they break.
Until I start bleeding.
So when I smile I'll know
I'm almost good enough for you.
And would you...
Follow me to the end of the dare.
Raise your eyes, return the stare.
Become your words. Your words so becoming.
On any Sunday I'll be there.
I tried to drink you off my mind.
I just got wasted.
It only made the pain
that much more acute.
But cute isn't strong enough a word.
Unintentionally gorgeous.
An accidental charm.
A graceful drinking arm.
Disarming...
Follow me to the end of the dare.
Raise your eyes, return the stare.
Become your words. Your words so becoming.
On any Sunday I'll be there.
I'm going to go to bed now. I'll write more Thursday. Good night.
*Racecar*
<< Tuesday, Sept. 13, 2005@10:14 p.m.>>