I like the new ip banning feature, I was thinking of doing that actually, but I'm not really sure. There are some people you just don't want reading stuff, but then I don't want to lose my diaryrings, even though no one seems to find my diary that way anymore anyway. I think I might even join a few more when I'm done.
I didn't go to work today because I hurt my foot. I was walking to put my towel away from working out and I stubbed my little toe on a block of laminate that I had told my Dad to put away a fucking month ago. I thought it was just a normal stubbing of my toe, but then it started to swell up and turn red. I called my Aunt and she told me to wait a few hours and then call her back. I called her back at noon and the toe was still swollen and red. She told me I should take off work today so that my foot could rest and my toe would get better. I stayed home and took a nap, then did my homework and stuff. I'm going to work tomorrow and I'm going to have to wear flip flops because my foot is so swollen and my last two toes are taped together. I think it is getting a bit better, it is purple near the joint and all black and blue down near my foot and on the side of my foot. I think I'll be okay to walk, but I have been limping around and I probably will be for a week or so.
I didn't really do much else. I had to work yesterday and it was okay. There are some people that go there who treat me like I'm fucking stupid and it pisses me off. I honestly wish that I could just drop out of school, because I feel like college is just a waste of my time. I have to work, I have to do all of my school work. It just sucks because I don't get to hang out with new people and I really want to make friends and stuff. I want to go see that Corpse Bride movie, but I'll probably end up going by myself, because Carbon wants to go, but she wants to take her niece with her and I usually work on Friday nights.
I told my Dad I want to move out, but I don't have the money, I would need to have a roomate, but I don't know anyone who wants to move out of their own house. Is it normal for someone my age to want to move out? I just hate this house and it will never be good to me. I hate the way it looks, the way it's a mess, just everything. I'm just really frustrated with my life right now, I feel like I'm running in circles.
I don't have much to write about because I haven't been doing much. Is it normal to not like back rubs? We were doing that in Voice class yesterday because I guess it's supposed to help our vocal cords, but I just don't like someone else touching me, it makes me really uncomfortable. I hate knowing that someone can tell what I look like underneath my clothes because I'm kind of fat and I hunch over a ton for no reason, though I do have to carry ten books and a guitar up six flights of stairs two days a week, so it will only get worse. It tickled, too, so I was laughing the whole time that the woman in front of me was giving me a back rub, and when I gave her one, I was uncomfortable because I'm not used to doing that. I hate touching other people because it's not something I'm used to. I feel like such a freak for being that way, but I've just never had anyone who was physically affectionate towards me, so I'm not used to that, but I'm worried I'm a freak or something. I worry too much, I know that. I've been having a hard time sleeping because of that.
I don't know if I will do well in my classes, I think I will do okay, but I just worry about it. I always have this feeling of wanting to get things over with to get to the good part of my life, whever the hell that is. I'm sorry that I'm so depressing, it just seems like things keep getting worse. I don't even feel like writing right now, as you can tell. I'm going to just surf the net and listen to music and then I'm going to go to bed. Good night.
*Racecar*
<< Saturday, Sept. 10, 2005@9:40 p.m.>>