I thought Sunday was a busy night at Diaryland! This is really creeping me out, I hope some news gets put up saying the servers have been fixed. Either that, or someone bought me a gold memebership, I doubt it, though.
I was on my way to Carbon's house, but still online, because I was updating Guy 4's Altoids Tin, when guess who IMs me? The poodle, FiFi. She starts yelling at me, talking about how I was acting like a two year old, which was stupid, because I was THERE how would I not know how I acted?!?! Then she says she doesn't want to talk to me ever again, and will only pay me back the three dollars, because she doesn't want to go to the concert on July 25th with me anymore, which cost $55. She tells me that I tried to attack her that day, and that everyone saw it. I was trying to push her away, because I wanted to get away from her. She was making me incredibly nervous, like she always does. Even when she was IMing me, I was shaking like a leaf.
She also told me that she wouldn't talk to me unless I got a better therapist. She kept talking down to me, like I was a stupid child who didn't know what I'd done. She's only nine months older than me, I don't know how that can make her any smarter. I mean, Lithium and Dancer are both two years older than me, and neither of them talk down to me. I think I already wrote that in this diary, but she still does it. She told me she had always been there for me, which I think is stupid, because she was gone for quite a while, and it's not like I wasn't there when she tried to kill herself, or when she broke up with Mr. Lambchops. She kept talking like she had no problems, or like my problems were so Goddamn awful. I didn't like that, and I told her that if she wanted to talk to me like that, she could call my old cell phone and talk to my voice mail, because I wouldn't put up with it.
I don't know what to do about her, because I know that Dancer, Lithium, Boron and Hydrogen will still want to be friends with her, and there will be a time when they want to hang out as a group. I will, but I want someone else there, so I don't have to talk to her too much. I can't deal with her alone anymore. She started talking about how friends always stick together, and all I could think was "this musn't apply to you" because she just wants to leave me behind because of a mental problem, which I don't think is right.
I kept getting bothered by it, both today and yesterday. I don't know if anyone understands how it feels. It hurts to have a supposed best friend treat you like you're just some kind of monster. I think she's acting like this because she knows that I want my friends to stick by my side. I don't want anything from her, except for her to stop knocking me and start acting like an actual friend, the way I did to her. I was going through tough times when I helped her, so I don't know why it would be so hard to help me. All she would have to do is just hang out with me now and then, without taking control of everything.
Going over to Carbon's was fun. We spent about five hours making her mother's birthday cake. We did frosting that they made in the Depression, because we didn't have enough butter for regular frosting. We made this Southern style cake, but we had to use almond flavoring, because we didn't have any vanilla. It was a very different tasting cake, but it was good. We made too much frosting, and when Carbon frosted it, she put frosting in about six layers. She's probably still sugar high from it. I can only imagine...
I went to my Grandma's today, and I got my hair cut, at Wal-Mart, of all places. The guy who did it didn't even look like he worked there. He smelled like cigarette smoke and didn't have on an odd blue vest. It was kind of weird, but I couldn't see him too well, my Grandmother took my glasses and nearly lost them. Then, we went to get a book at Barnes & Noble, but it wasn't a summer reading book, the summer reading books always suck. The mandatory one is about women who are chosen by their ability to have kids. I'm pretty sure I would be killed off in that society, I wouldn't even want one kid. I'm pretty sure the guys in my class won't want to read it, even I don't.
Then, my Grandma and I went out to eat, and walked for four miles afterward. It was really nice. Then, I went to her house and read a book. My Dad picked me up about an hour ago, I got cereal, and then I went to go online. I want to see if the poodle wrote in her diary. I'm kind of scared though, because I know it will be nasty. I want to stay up until eleven, so I can watch glorious Seinfeld, which I am now addicted to.
My Grandmother looked through my yearbook. It was funny, because she's 74, and she was talking about how she liked this guy in my school who's going to Brown. She's more obsessed with guys than I am, which is a little odd. I once took a quiz on The Spark, called The Gay Test. I didn't come out as gay, but they actually asked me if I liked guys at all. That's just how I am, I'm afraid of guys, I'm afraid of letting someone who loves me down, but it's not that I don't love anyone. My Grandma also kept looking at the guy who cut my hair. I couldn't see him, but he kind of looked like a ghetto guy. Anyway, this happened all day, and it was just really funny. I'm going to go check my other diaries now. Bye!
*Racecar*
<< Sunday, Jun. 29, 2003@9:04 p.m.>>