I've been so damn PMSy lately, which is kind of weird, because I've had PMS on my own for the first time in four years, but I still feel like the depression has a hold on me. I wish it would just fucking let me go, I've been stuck in this rut for five years now, and it's just to the point where I can't take it anymore. I'm so sick of the way my life is always going. I feel like a doormat most of the time, and I still haven't met the people I want to meet, the ones I want to be friends with.
I went to work last night and they still want me to work all these unreasonable hours. I'm going to start applying at other places next week if I can stay awake and get out of the house long enough. I really don't like working there, my hands are a mess right now. I have to remember to put Vasoline on them every night because half of my right hand is red.
Tonight I went to the Guster concert at Station Park, though it took my Dad a while to find a way to park at the Providence Place Mall. It was really nice, Dunkin' Donuts gave away smoothie samples, the strawberry banana one is the best, by the way. It was nice out, which has been so rare these past few months, with the sun shining and a nice breeze. The concert ended around eight, but I felt bummed because there were so many cute boys with their girlfriends. It kind of makes me realize how far off I am from being who I want to be. I even dreamt that I went to a real college, it was a nice dream, too. I got to meet my idol and I was so shy and nervous, but excited and happy at the same time. I have no idea what I'll do in a four year or when I will get to one. I just wish I was going there this fall. I'm thinking of just giving up on music and majoring in English, but going to some other part of the country. I really don't care much for my family, except my Dad.
I went to Charlotte Russe and got a new shirt, it looks cool and different, at least for me. It'll probably look like shit in a few years when the fad is over, but I'm okay with that. I also got some cds at Newbury Comics, though I really need to stop buying stuff for a few months, unless I need it, like toothpaste and such. I'm going to start organizing my cds into two cases, because they don't fit in the first one anymore, I think I have about three hundred and fifty cds. I really feel bad about spending so much money though, I know I'm going to go through a few years when I won't have much at all, but I will have plenty of cds to listen to.
I felt bad because I bought my Dad a Led Zeppelin cd three years ago and he broke it recently, by trying to put it in his console without the damn case. I have no idea why he did that, since it seems stupid. He tried to get another copy of the cd I bought him, but I'm going to go to all music and find out what it was. I'll write more later, good night.
*Racecar*
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