I'm sorry that I haven't updated in a while, I knew I wouldn't because I was so tired. I went with Dad to the vet, who thought that Blake was a girl. I hate that, everyone thinks that Ginger is a boy and Blake is a girl, but it's the other way around, and it kind of gets on my nerves. Blake lost some weight from last time, but now much. I hope that he will lose some more over the summer, I'm going to take him walking or running at least once a week if I can. Ginger is okay as far as her weight. Her seventh birthday is coming up next Tuesday, though the vet said that she looked older than seven, she still looks like the puppy we brought home almost seven years ago. If I can get my scanner and photo program to work over the summer, you'll see what I mean. She looks like a little teddy bear because her nose is like a button and her eyes are huge.
I went to work and nearly sold a guy a pair of women's work boots, but they weren't the ones with steel toes. He only wanted them because they were cheap. I told him they were girls boots and he didn't care. I accidentally sold a boy a pair of women's earings today. He asked me if they were for boys or girls and I said both because I thought he was point at the body jewelry. I didn't know what to say when he pointed to two dainty looking hoop earings, but his mother didn't say anything, so I guess she didn't know, either. I hated having to cover for jewelry today and I also didn't like working five nights in a row. Tomorrow I am going to sleep in and try to get some rest. I have to go to clarinet lessons, but other than that, I have nothing to do.
I'm going to buy some cds on Tuesday, because there are a bunch of ones that I keep forgetting to get, like the new Bruce Springsteen cd, which they sell at Wal-Mart, though I know there's a song missing, because I've read reviews of it, and there's a song that graphically describes a prosititue's work. I probably won't listen to that song, but I still don't like the idea of cds being censored, because it just makes it so easy for parents to just skip over things they don't want to tell their kids, but eventually kids will learn that stuff, anyway. I think parents should take those opportunities to explain things to their kids. I just get mad seeing the way that so many parents these days are so lazy, expecting the schools to teach their kids about sex, and I know too many people who refuse to go to a gynecologist when they have health care and are screwing around, which is not good. I just get irritated with people, especially lately, because no one seems to fucking care about anyone but themselves. Sometimes I just wish that I could take a vacation from the world.
I hate the way that I am the only person who spent a good part of today crying. I honestly get depressed seeing everyone talk about how they love their mom and are so close to her. It makes me feel like shit, because I was never close to her and it feels like it is my fault, although no one ever says that it is. I hate it when I tell people I lost my Mom and they say that they're sorry. They always feel so bad and I don't, which makes me feel bad that I don't feel bad. They never understand it, either. She was always making me feel bad about myself, and I felt like I could never openly talk to her about anything. She didn't understand me at all, she accused me of being a lesbian because I never hang out with guys, and I didn't back then, either. I like guys, but there are just too many out there who are total jerks and most of them happen to be in college. Those who aren't so bad like to drink and do drugs, which are two things in a guy that I will not put up with. That and smoking, because it's just bad in general. I think that is my problem, my standards are just too high, not just for other people, but for me as well.
Anyway, I was just so glad when I got out of work today. I don't mind Father's Day, but Mother's Day just really gets to me, and I don't know if I will ever like it. I guess if I ever became a mom myself, but I don't know if I ever will. I also don't know if I would even make a good mom, because my standards for any kids I would have would be astronomically high. I just didn't feel like seeing everyone with their moms and talking about how great their moms are. It's the worst today, but when I hear or read about people spending time with their moms, it still makes me feel like shit. Is there any way to get over this, for me to move on and feel normal?
I keep dreaming about the guy I like and it is driving me up a wall. I want him out of my dreams, I want to stop liking him. I am so sick of liking guys and having it lead nowhere and there is not a doubt in my mind that it will be the same exact thing with this guy. I want to stop liking him, and I think maybe I should try to distance myself from him, but part of me just thinks he is too fascinating to give up on. I had a dream that I lived with him and he owned a gas station that was underneath the house he lived in. He kept trying to talk to me and tell me things, and I was so nervouse, but happy that I was there with him. The bells (I guess it was a full service station) kept going off and he had to fill people's cars up with gas. I never did get to talk to him, because I woke up, but I thought it was a weird dream, because he doesn't work at a gas station, I don't even know any guys who do. I have to wonder what it means, other than that I think about him too much.
I didn't get to write about this, but I think that my Dad might be considering getting another car to replace his Rabbit. His Rabbit is rusting really bad, but the truck doesn't get good mileage, so he is thinking of just getting another car, a new car. I'm pretty sure that anyone who reads this knows that he will mostly likely get a diesel Jetta, or maybe a Golf becuase it's cheaper. He told the guy at Speedcraft in Wakefield that on Wednesday morning when he took me to my lesson. I hope he gets an automatic so that he doesn't make me drive it. I almost think it will suck compared to mine though, I really don't like the way that most automatics are so sluggish and since mine is souped up, I am so used to that immediate response that I don't like riding in cars that aren't like that. I think it is a cool idea though, as long as I get to pick it out, because if anything were to happen to him, I would end up driving it, but I doubt he would let me drive it if he gets it because it will most likely be his last car and his baby. I hope he gets it though, because it will be the only nice car we have, since mine is always in disarray.
I'm going to go to bed now, but I do really hope my Dad gets another car and I don't know why. I'm really tired, but I think I already mentioned that. I hate the way that I always having nothing to say in the last paragraph of an entry, but I always want to make one more and I want to make it a real paragraph. So, I put in sentences like this, which are dumb and bore people and iTunes is constantly taking my attention away from me when I write. I also need to go to CompUSA and get the new OS for Mac. Does anyone know if it will wipe out my iTunes songs? I need to ask the people there, though most of them are dumb when it comes to Macs. Sigh. Bye! (sorry about the rhyming, honest).
*Racecar*
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