Hello everyone. I didn't do anything yesterday except work on homework and do my usual stuff. Today my Aunt picked me up for school at eight. I was so out of it in Italian and the teacher kept asking me questions. I was so tired that I got one of the questions wrong, but she asked me about five so I wasn't too worried. I also had to go to Music Theory and I started to feel better in that class. I think the medicine they injected into my thighs wore off today because I didn't try to even think about taking a nap. I did my homework in Theory while I waiting for it to be one thirty so I could talk to the therapist.
It turns out she's leaving CCRI to counsel where she works the rest of the week. I want to try and stick with her just because she already knows me and seems to understand my problems better than most therapists do. I also think I feel more comfortable with her because she's a woman and all. When she asked me if I had any medical problems, I told her about how I was on the patch and why I'm on it. I couldn't tell that to a guy, because I feel uncomfortable talking to a guy about that stuff. I think it grosses them out and I don't like grossing people out. I'm sorry if I did just now by the way.
I went to Western Civ and then went outside waiting for my Grandma to pick me up. She has a blue green Sunfire and the worst thing about Sunfires is there are about a gazillion out there with that weird color of blue that my Grandma's is, so I thought it was her almost every other car. My Uncle picked me up instead, so I was looking for the wrong car, because his is a red Toyota Paseo. Anyway, he brought me home and told me Grandma was too sick to pick me up. I kind of wished she had because I thought maybe she would take me out to eat afterward. It turns out she ate some breaded shrimp and it bothered her. I don't get why she eats bread and stuff when she's not supposed to have gluten in her diet. Then she complains that her stomach bothers her, which is what happens when you have celiac sprue and you try to eat bread and stuff like that. Apparently, Itlaians like bread, which is what my Grandma is, but I must not be very Italian myself, because I don't like bread. People usually think that I'm Irish, which is dumb because my last name is English and my hair is brown. I don't have any accent either, not even a Rhode Island one, which is when a person doesn't say their "r"'s.
It doesn't look too good for my car. Dad insists on replacing the bent parts instead of taking the car to a machine shop to be aligned right again. He can get the parts from the dealer around here and they have them in stock, meaning the car can be back together by Friday. Yet, everyone else who has seen the car said that it should be aligned at a machine shop. My Dad doesn't want me driving it anymore, either, I think because he thinks I'll ruin it soon. He wants me to drive the Topaz and after seeing him and hearing him complain about it so much, I'm scared. I also want a cd player in it so I can listen to stuff on long drives like when I go to Wakefield on Fridays, unless I change the day I go. If I get some money for Christmas, I'll just throw a cheap cd player in it. So, I worry that my old car now, won't run right anymore if Dad botches it. I'm gonna miss that car, I know it's stupid, but it's so nice and fast and I love leaving the sunroof open and listening to cds in it. The Topaz could never take my Jetta's place, even if I tried to put a sunroof in it, which I heard you can't do to a car with a full roof anyway. I'm sorry that I'm such a nerd who gets attached to stupid stuff so easily. I've always been sentimental like that, I can never convince myself that the now is as good as the past.
I don't have school tomorrow so I'll be staying home and doing some stuff. I really hope that what Dad said about my car isn't true and I can still drive it. I literally cried when I heard that, I feel like I've lost everything that even remotely belonged to me at one time. I lost my best friend, I lost my Mom (or what she could have been had she been okay) and I lost all my friends in general. I alienated my familly and I've let people down so much it hurts. I know I can't be perfect, but there is still this part of me that demands it. This voice in my head that says no one will love me if I have nothing to offer and I feel like if I don't try to be the perfect girl I can't be loved by friends or boyfriends. I really hope that I can overcome that voice and learn to love myself even though I'll never be perfect at anything I do. That's why I feel like I need all the help I can get. I want to be good and be happy without being mad at myself.
I'm going to go to bed now, or at least get ready for bed. I know that few people read this, but it's nice to get my thoughts out of my head. I'm sorry if I've depressed anyone. I haven't done much without a car to drive and even if I had one, I don't think that I would be interesting then. I want to get Shrek 2 on DVD, but I don't know if Dad wants it, too. I might go to the movies with him on Thursday if he feels up to it and has one of the cars fixed or maybe just go to breakfast at a diner that's not too far from our house. Either way, I'll try to be more intersting for the next time I write. Bye!
*Racecar*
P.S.-I totally forgot to mention this, but I have an interview for a job at the Disney Store on Friday at six. Wish me luck, I'll need it! I really need this job to pay back my Dad for fixing my car a million times and I need to help pay bills around the house.
<< Monday, Nov. 08, 2004@9:25 p.m.>>