I had a rough night. I got upset at a customer at work and they told the manager, who let me go home early. I have no idea if I will be fired or not. It really upsets me because I wanted to fix up my car and help out my Dad. I'm so tired of having this problem of not being able to control myself, it makes my life so hard. I can't seem to keep friendships with very many people, and I wouldn't feel comfortable having a boyfriend. I honestly don't think there is a guy on Earth who would put up with me.
I'm just going through that whole feeling of hopelessness that I get. The depression and anxiety are still there, and I just wish that the Paxil would work. I want to have a ton of friends who care about me so I can go places. I want to go to the Boston Museum of Science so bad, but I have no one to go with, and since my Dad isn't taking a vacation, I don't know if/when we'll go. I want to travel the country, but I obviously can't go alone. I'm so sick of school and work though, it makes me feel further from my goals, as if that was possible.
I really just want to be free to do stuff and not feel bound by mental illness. I want to know I can go and meet new people without having to hide myself so no one knows what's going on. I've been doing it for years and it's never worked. I always wind up embarassing myself and feeling lonely. Tonight, it could have cost me my second job, just like it cost me my first one. Isn't there any kind of job where people don't feel like they are allowed to treat you like shit?
Anway, In Living Color is on, and I'm going to watch it before bed. I really loved that show as a kid, even today it's funny, which I didn't really expect since I'm tweleve years older than I was when I watched it. I've also been watching lots of old Disney movies. I watched Lady and the Tramp for the first time today and really liked it. I watched The Little Mermaid the other night, and that is definately my favorite Disney movie, it's coming out on DVD on my birthday, which I think is pretty cool. I really can't wait, because my tape got messed up since it was downstairs the three times it's flooded down there. I have the one with the "naughty" cover too, so it's pretty old. I bought Pocahontas, Aladdin, Bambi and Beauty and the Beast on DVD, too (I bought Beauty and the Beast on eBay last night, so I don't have it yet). I love to watch them, though, I really wish that someone would make funny comedy shows and animated movies again, good ones, not CGI ones, not that I don't love computer animation, but I'm sick of pop culture references. They just don't stand up over time, anyone knows that. Pop culture today just seems to get dumber by the minute. Good night.
*Racecar*
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