I started this thing on my Facebook three weeks ago, where I wrote down a list of things I was thankful for that day. I thought that it would help me to realize the things I should be thankful in life, and to focus on the positive instead of the negative, which seems to be pretty hard for me to do. It hasn't gone so bad, but it really hasn't seemed to help too much so far. Granted, three weeks isn't very long.
Anyway, people on Facebook have been getting irritated with me lately. I don't really feel comfortable being on there a lot anymore, or even posting on there too often. It has little to do with this project, and more to do with my statuses as of late. Though I know a few of the things I said in my Thankfulness things and one of my side notes bothered a few people.
So, I wanted to keep doing it, and I don't feel like writing it in Word every single night or something, and creating a large file or a bunch of little ones. So I figured I would write them on here. This place feels like a bit of a safe haven now because almost no one can see it. I don't know why I haven't written on here more often, I think it would probably have made these past two months a ton easier.
I've been upset about the things the people I have pissed off have said. I know there isn't much I can do about that but move on, it's just not easy. Sometimes I feel like people expect too much from me and aren't understanding. I mean, changing one's way of thinking after 25 years of thinking one way can and will take time. No one on Facebook seems to be willing to allow me a slip up every now and then. I'm sorry if I sound like a jerk saying this, but I need to vent somewhere. The fight I got into with Mrs. Black (she basically says she doesn't want me contacting her, which I haven't, though she has contacted me since then, 'cause she's dumb) and these two girls I shared a room with at Anime Boston. I made plans with the girls two months ago to go to Six Flags the first weekend of August, but they canceled those plans yesterday without really telling me why it took them so long to decide I was unstable and not fun to be around.
I've been getting upset on Facebook for most of a year now. My therapist said to not go on there as much because it is a toxic place for some people and I agree. It's just that some friends keep in touch with me that way, so I really don't want to totally delete it. If I tell people I won't be on there as much and I go back on a lot, I'll look like the boy who cried wolf. So, I'm basically just going to try to not be on there often and not tell anyone about my plan. I don't know if anyone will notice I have stopped putting Thankfulness there. It's going to be here so that I can easily paste it over there if someone truly wants to see it, an honor system, if you will.
Anyway, that means I will be updating this on a mostly daily basis, except for nights I am out late, like this Thursday when I go to see the Dark Knight Rises at midnight. I'm super excited to be going to a midnight showing, though it sucks to go alone.
Today, I am thankful for:
-The nice weather when I went on my almost daily walk(s) with the dogs.
-Talking to the new therapist, she did make me feel a bit better and seems to think she can help me. Time will tell, of course, but I'm willing to give it a go.
-That I came up with a plan to try and be on good behavior as far as eating and acting in public goes (I get a $1 a day for my back account for each day I am good in one area, for a total of $2 a day, if I'm bad one day in one or both ways, I deduct a $1 or $2, at the end of the week, I deposit the money into my bank account, up to $20. When I have reached some sort of goal, I can take the money out and buy myself anything I can afford with said money.).
-That I was able to make it through the day and my work out even though I was dead tired.
-That I was able to behave at work despite being pretty grumpy in the morning and even afternoon.
-That I am going back to school in the fall. I cannot begin to tell you how much I love to learn and how much it calms me down and makes me feel like I have direction in life. Not to mention I will get to at least meet new people, if not make new friends.
-That I am able to go to bed early tonight, though I didn't play guitar in order to do that. I'm going to try and practice a lot tomorrow to make up for it.
-That I had enough money in my wallet for a good latte from Dunkin' Donuts. The coffee I make at home tastes like crap compared to their lattes, and I hadn't had one in ages (I want to say two months, maybe more).
Anyway, I am going to bed now, but hopefully this won't be the last time I write for 2 or more months. Good night!-*Rukia*
<< Tuesday, Jul. 17, 2012@9:32 p.m.>>