Dear Tristan,
Sigh. I love you so much. I'm sorry some of the people you know are so closed minded. I wanted to write them notes and defend you. Just because you don't lean to the left or right doesn't mean you're a bad person. Just because you don't like the left doesn't mean you're on the right or vice versa. I love you no matter what you think, even if I don't always agree which I won't. Still, you're not a fascist and you're still a punk even if you don't think like all the other punks, I think that is the most punk thing of all.
I got a letter from the school saying I can't be an English major because of my Music credits. I don't know what to do. I guess I have to keep on going with music. You should see how fascist they are there. If you like anything that isn't classical or jazz, they'll shun you, like they did me. I just don't know what I'll do since I can't get into the music department at the school I'm going to or the one I want to go to. Meanwhile, my friends are close to graduating and getting their masters and I'm stuck doing useless junk and paying lots of money for it. I don't know if I picked the right path, it's so hard to know these days what you are doing anymore. I guess I am like your dream girl in that I don't have a sense of direction. I would love to have you to help me with that.
Not much else is going on. This boy I used to know just contacted me again and apologized for being such a butthead and not knowing how to deal with me. It's good to hear from him I guess. I'm happy to hear from him, I don't know why. I guess it's just because I like having friends and I like to forgive people. I don't like to fight. You have changed me, Tristan, whether you like it or not. I am a better person because I feel like I have you to catch me when I fall or to talk to.
I am so happy to know that I can write you letters now and know you will answer them, this diary will become almost useless. The fact that you care about me makes me so happy, it seems like the whole world could fall apart, but if I had you I would be happy. I know I probably shouldn't let myself think that way, but it's what gets me through these days and so many others before them.
I don't know if I should care for you or not. I don't know if I should still love you even though you told me I couldn't. I almost want to tell you about this diary, or how I still like you, or about the piece I wrote for you. It's hard for me to keep secrets from you, you are so nice and sincere and sweet. I love the way you kept your cool even though those people were attacking you and saying you weren't punk. I would've been crying and swearing left and right. I admire you and love you for that.
I just wanted to tell you these things, maybe someday you will see them. Maybe you will realize that I truly love you and not mind the things I write. Maybe someday we'll meet and be together. I know quite a few of my friends would be happy with that. I'm not sure about your friends, they probably think I'm odd. Still, I love you and I want/ hope to be with you someday. Bye!-Kate
P.S.-I will write him a real letter soon and post it on here, for anyone who reads this.
<< Sunday, May. 27, 2007@11:22 p.m.>>