I wanted to write really quick. I've just been nervous about school, like always. I got an e-mail from some woman at school sayinng that I could participate in the Honors program because my GPA was 3.25 or higher. It amazed me that I was doing that good, though I don't know my own grades because I don't look at them, which I know is weird. It makes me happy to know that I am doing good, but right now I have no need for any extra projects for school. That's what the Honors program is, you work on something with one of your professors, an extra project, and you get an extra .5 credits for that class. While it sounds like a nice idea, and I might try it next semester, I really am not in the mood now to do that. I feel like there is so much more I should be doing.
I'm very tired so I think I will just go to bed. I've had a busy day and tomorrow, Thursday and Friday will be busy as well. I've been so swamped with school work and work itself. I wish I could just take some time to sleep, might try to on Thanksgiving, though I have to make my Dad a list of all the things I want for Thanksgiving dinner. I miss those days, I wish that we could have a dinner at my house instead of always going somewhere else. Does anyone know what I mean? The excitement of having guests over, of getting your house clean and knowing people will see it. I always feel pissed that Carbon will NEVER come into my house, I don't know if she doesn't like it, or she doesn't like my dogs or my Dad, but whatever it is, she never wants to come in, even if I invite her over or invite her in. It's always been like that, she hasn't been inside my house in almost three years and it just makes me feel sad. It seems like no one wants to come to my house and I really don't like the house in the first place.
It's weird having lived in the same room all your life, I don't think there are many ninteen year olds who live in the room their crib was in. I really wish it looked like a normal house, too, with a color to it instead of natural shingles that are turning black and green because they haven't been waterproofed in ages. My Dad says he is going to stain the house, but he never does. I wish we could redo the kitchen, too because it honestly looks stuck in 1984 with all the almond colors and it sucks when you have to pay extra to get an ugly fridge that will match your ugly kitchen. That, and my Mom never put anything on the maple cabinets, so the wood is brittle and falling apart. I want to fix the house up and having people in it for once. I want to have my fammily here and show the how cool my house is (if I could fix it). I want to show people my room because I worked so hard making it look weird, with the Altoids ads and band posters, or articles if I was too lazy to buy a poster. I actually ran out of wall a few years ago and I have Christmas lights I use as reading lights. I'll take pictures of it someday, when I get a good digital camera that has high mega pixels and likes Macs.
There's so much in my life I want to change and repair right now that I don't know where to start anymore. I have so much to do and never enough time, but I obviously need to hustle during winter break to clean my house up and play guitar better. My therapist said today that I am too hard on myself and I am honestly not sure why. I just want to be happy and I want to be good, I want people to like me and think I'm cool. I want to me someone who likes stuff I do and doesn't make me feel ashamed for liking stuff they don't like. I think I make people feel that way sometimes, I can be pretty damn close minded.
Who doesn't know about iPod porn by now? I wish MSNBC would quit showing the same damn stories over and over, or is it just me? You can put porn on your video iPod, no duh, you can put any kind of video on a video iPod, hence the video name. Do stupid people have kids, or do you just become stupid when you become a parent? It seems like too many stupid people are running around today and they seem to have kids the way I write paragraphs and I don't get it. If you can't read about things or watch tv and learn about them, then you are stupid. If you can't read the damn tv ratings and don't know your six year old shouldn't be watching Cinemax late at night, then you shouldn't be having kids because you are too damn stupid. People are just getting on my nerves lately and I wish I could just go to a desert island and get away from everyone. It's also sad that I live in Rhode Island and yet I still mispell "island" sometimes, though I could just be tired. Good night.
*Racecar*
P.S.-I don't know if you've read that Maddox rant about Idaho, I would like to mention that he is wrong. You see, Rhode Island drivers are the worst, and I remember there was actually an insurance study that proved it. Since I got cut off three times in less than an hour, I would have to agree. Plus, we have Mr. Potato Heads all over the state that no one pays attention to, I often forget them until I see one. It seems like every state without a Boston, Chicago or L.A. is boring, except for Hawaii, that state looks awesome and I've heard some nice stuff about Orgeon, but I don't think I'll ever go. I got a cell phone call from Texas and I don't know why because I don't know anyone in Texas. Good night (finally).
<< Tuesday, Nov. 15, 2005@10:36 p.m.>>