I'm not feeling to well today. I odn't really know why. It's just a ton of worry and aggrivation, all coming to me at once. I feel so aggrivated, because all I want to do right now is sleep, nothing else. I can't even practice my guitar right. What really worries me is that I don't enjoy practicing as much as I used to.
I feel so angry at myself. I can't even fucking figure out what I want in my life, and all the stupid things seem to piss me off and eat away at me.
It's just the way that I feel like I have to do some things. Every time I feel like I have to do something, instead of being able to do it at my own free leisure, I begin to feel bound to it, I guess that might be the problem with guitar practice.
I just feel depressed and angry right now. I don't really have anyone to talk to about it, and I don't think anyone would even understand anyway. I've always felt that way, like no one would ever understand, not even me sometimes. I don't even want to talk. I just want to sleep, and maybe wake up in a different world. I want to be free, and feel like I can be and do waht I want, and while everyone says I can, I know I can't.
It just really aggrivates me, everything right now, except sleep, though the lack of it is making whatever is wrong with me worse. I just hate everything right now, especially the fact that I can barely see what I'm typing. I know this sounds really shitty, and it's because I just don't care anymore. I don't know what any of this is worth, and I'm in one of my angry and depressed moods, one of those ones that the world probably wouldn't understand, since no one ever understood me to begin with, they just pretended to. I'd better go now, before those fucks at the cable company shut my internet off again for no reason, other than that they're assholes, and I know I shouldn't swear, but I don't care.
Your insane friend in the sky,
*Grape*Cloud*
<< Monday, Dec. 02, 2002@6:59 p.m.>>