Hello. Yet another depressing day in the world of Racecar. Hydrogen lied to me about sleeping over, and then she lied about going to the mall. She said she could do both, and then went back on her word. She was supposed to call me and tell me about this, but I had to call her. I just hate the way she always lies to me. I feel like she's using me, and like all my friends are using me.
I think I've written about this about a million times, but I'm just pissed. I do so many things for them, and most of them can't even pick up the phone to call me. Like they've forgotten my number.
I tried to stay up all night last night, because it was the last night I could, since I have school tomorrow (be prepared for an even bitchier entry than this one). I only stayed up until about four am, and got up a ten, because I thought she was going to call, and I had a doctor's appointment at eleven. I went to the doctor.
I called Hydrogen when I got home, and I was listening to the '90's at Noon, so I was all nostalgic and stuff, and pretty happy about it, too. Then, her brother picked up the phone, and told me that they were going to the mall, but there was one thing, I figured I would need to get a ride there or home or something, he said that they were doing some family things and didn't want me to go. I can't fucking believe that! I know that her parents hate me, just like everyone else's parents, and it pisses me off. You think I was in a gang, or some kind of trouble maker, but it's because my mom is mentally ill. She's probably going to die before I graduate, and you think someone would actually try to make me feel better about that, but no.
I don't think I want to be friends with anyone anymore. I might just become a loner and live inside my head again. I get hurt too often, coming out in the world and telling people how I feel, and most of the time, they don't listen, or they're too busy.
I'm also pissed, because she has a notebook I worked hard on making, and everytime I give her a notebook I make, she always fucks it up on me. She always gives it back, and it's all ruined and stuff, and it pisses me off, that she so casually ruins stuff I work hard on. Everyone seems to do it.
I'm listening to a cd as I type this, which has made me feel a bit better. I went and got two cds yesterday. I bought the new Coldplay cd, and that's what I'm listening to. It's pretty good. I like the last two songs, that's how I feel now. I'm thinking of starting a lyric diary, or turning my other "secret" (literally, I don't know anyone who knows of it and I don't want anyone to) diary into one.
Ugh. I hope tomorrow is better. I think I'll try and talk to my other friends, and I have to call Hydrogen and tell her to give me my notebook back, because I honestly don't want her to ruin it. Though, we'll probably see each other tomorrow, we're usually in at least one of the same classes together. I still have to read my summer reading, but I'm almost done with the required book, so I think I'll go and finish it now. Where did everyone go, by the way? No one is on the internet anymore!
Your insane friend in the sky,
*Grape*Cloud*
<< Wednesday, Aug. 28, 2002@1:32 p.m.>>