Today was really frustrating at work and yesterday was, too. There was tons of freight, which the new girl did, and then the place was a mess, which I had to clean. She did almost no cleaining while she was there and didn't do much when I got there either. She also changed some stuff around without waiting until Monday to ask the department manager, which I thought was stupid. I mean, it's not like it couldn't wait until tomorrow, which is better because hopefully it will be less busy, since I am working tomorrow.
It was just too busy this weekend to keep up with the cleaning and so the department does not look as good as it usually does. I was irritated because of it and just the general feeling that everything is working against me these days. It seems like every ray of sunshine in my life is very short and has to disappear under the clouds before I can really appreciate it. For example, the girls at work didn't even invite me to the party that I was so worried about going to last week. I feel really dumb now for even worrying about it, becuase they didn't mention it today and I don't know why, since last Sunday they were pestering me in my department to go. They didn't even say anything to me today except "Hello" and so I guess I am not invited anymore, I don't know. I probably wouldn't go until the end of this month anyway, once my one summer class is over and my work load drops a bit.
I notice my checks are pretty big all of the sudden because of my raise. I make about one hundred and seventy dollars a week now, give or take a dollar or two. I know next week's will be big because I get time and a half for working on a holiday. I haven't been spending much of my money, I feel the need to just save it, for who knows what. I think I will save it until around my birthday, and then I will just count it up and decide what to do with it. I know some of it will have to go to taking Nigel to the car wash when the dirt road over here is paved. He doesn't look dark green anymore, he looks brown. I hate driving, and I know that is random, but the people in this town piss me off. I wish I could just take a break from everyone, because it seems like everyone is either intentionally or unintentionally annoying me or pissing me off. I just want to get away, sleep and think about what I should be doing about pretty much everything.
Not much else is going on. I have to get ready to go to bed, because I have to get up early tomorrow, too. This week should be fun though. I am going to see Madagascar with my Dad because he still has some free movie tickets to the movie theater in Connecticut. I also am finally going to get my clarinet fixed after having to wait almost a month. I feel like a bad instrument owner, because I don't take very good care of my guitars, either. Yet I am looking to get a new one. Has anyond see the Gibson commercial on VH1? I don't think I would get my Dad anything if he was enough of an asshole to ask for a Gibson for Father's Day. The Gibsons that they were looking at were all over at least $1,000. I'd have to sell my organs on the black market just to get him one. I think my Dad just wants a bill sorter or maybe a new pulley, and neither of those is over $25.
I've just been bummed out lately because everything in my life seems to be getting worse. I can't seem to fall in love, and I can't seem to get anyone to feel the way I want them to feel about me. I hate the way that it is so hard for me to inspire feelings in people, it seems like it is hard for people to like me and it worries me. I really miss being free and innocent. I miss the one guy that I think I really loved, though I bet it is probably just some stupid thing in my mind to make me feel like my life has gone to shit. It just seems like everything is getting worse and nothing is getting better. I really hope there is a light at the end of this tunnel that I've been in for at least a year and a half now. Bye.
*Racecar*
P.S.-I was listening to that song today when I realized it was Sunday, I'm getting that bad.
<< Sunday, Jun. 05, 2005@9:57 p.m.>>