I didn't update last night because I had so much to do and I didn't feel like it. I really wouldn't have much to say. I am taking my mid term in my English class on Tuesday. I worked Wednesday night, which was boring. I went out with my Dad on Thursday to get some stuff and I made a hair appointment for today. I went to that this morning and it was good. The woman cut my hair shoulder length and kind of layered it a bit and made it so it's not so thick. She made my hair straight, though I don't think I'll do that, and I finally got something to stop my hair from frizzing and I know it works because the woman used it on me right in front of me. She said I have nice hair, which is what every hairdresser has ever said to me, at least every hairdresser who has done my hair and most people think my hair is nice. I don't know why I don't like it, but I don't.
I also hung out with Carbon. We went to pick up her niece at her bus stop and helped her pack her stuff since she is spending the weekend at Carbon's house. Carbon put gas in her car and picked up her check from work, though it was only her first week working ever, so it was a small check. She works at Only a Dollar now, which is a dollar store in town. I'm glad she has a job now, because when I want to go to the movies or something, not only will she be able to drive, but she will even have money so I don't have to loan her any or anything. That's also good because she has the worst memory of anyone that I have known.
Anyway, it was fun to spend some time with her. We played a game of checkers, which I think she would have been winning had it not been Happy Bunny checkers. They have rules on them that tell you to put back other player's pieces and such, so she had to put back one of my pieces that she jumped. When I jumped one of her pieces, it told me on the bottom of the checker (that's where the messages were) that I had to take another one of hers. I didn't move any of my checkers at the back row, though she moved all of hers and I ended up getting a king. I'm going to have to play with her again to the end and see what happens. I can't wait until I get out of this English class so that I can rest and hang out with Carbon more.
I also called the doctor and asked for some more patches, because I was told that I didn't have to get another test because my last two were okay. The people at the office said I had to come in, even though the doctor said that she had written on my chart that I didn't have to come in for another two years. I'm really mad because they didn't even look at my chart to see if it was there, they just made an appointment and assumed I was wrong. I hate the way that whenever something happens like that, it is always my fault. It just makes me so mad, why can't I just get a hysterectomy already so I don't have to worry about this shit anymore?
I hate going to that doctor because all the women there are pregnant and everyone seems to go to the gynecologist when they are pregnant, so there's all parenting magazines and the TV Guide. There's always some dumb soap opera or talk show on the tv and it just sucks. It's also not fun to get a pap smear aned I honsetly think I don't need to get one. I'm not having sex, though I almost want to so that the pap smear isn't so painful. It just hurts and it takes forever to get the results back and it makes you worry that there is something wrong. I'm thinking that there is no point into being on the patch, because I doubt I will even date, let alone have sex, until after college. I honestly don't see the point of the patch anymore. I also don't want to have to get these damn tests every year because they hurt like hell and I don't see a point if I'm not smoking or having sex. I just hate being a girl because there's honestly so much pressure to do certain things by certain ages. I hate going to the gynecologist because they make you feel weird about doing that kind of stuff and you HAVE to tell them if you are sleeping with someone or not and if you're eighteen and a half and not, it looks weird. I tried to tell them over the phone that I was just on the patch, but I think the people over there were dense and I couldn't spell it out for them because I was waiting to be let into the salon. I wouldn't want to anyway because I find it embarassing and I don't like to think about how inadequate I am as a girl.
I hate the way that when I do date a guy, he is going to be weirded out by the fact that I have never had a boyfriend before, that I've never held hands with a guy or kissed a guy. I just worry that when that day does come, and it seems like forever from now. I worry he will think that there is something wrong with me and won't want to go out with me. I worry it will just be some vicious cycle and I'll never have a boyfriend. I know it probably sounds stupid, but I don't know if I'll ever feel like I can have a boyfriend until I actually have one.
I'm going to go to bed now. Today was okay, I was glad to hang out with Carbon. I have a ton of work to do tomorrow and Sunday night as well. I still don't know what do to about going to that party on Sunday night. If anyone who reads this could just go back one entry and give me some advice about what to do as far as going or not. I don't think I should go until my summer officially starts, and even then I'm not sure if I should. If anyone has any idea what I should about that or any advice, let me know. Good night.
*Racecar*
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