That song of the title is caught in my head right now, and I can't find it anywhere. I wouldn't even bother to look for it on this computer because I STILL don't have mine. The guy didn't get the part in, and my Dad said I would get it today, but he didn't go to work, for the SECOND time this week. I really hope that he goes tomorrow, because there is a very good chance I will try and lock him out of the house.
I went to bed late, around one, but I wasn't going to get up until nine, so it was enough sleep. But, he got up at seven and made all kinds of noise, the garage door was going up and down, the phone was ringing, his car was running (I think the people in China can hear it when someone in the US has a diesel running), someone came into the house (I think, though he walked in and out a million times) and he was on the phone as well. Finally, the phone rang and I got up, because I couldn't fucking take all the noise.
It was eight am, and his car wouldn't start (yet it was running when I woke up). So, he went and started the truck, but locked the keys in with it running, and he gave the other set to my uncle to copy (he did this SIX years ago, and no, the keys HAVEN'T been made, I don't get why he can't take the twenty minutes to go to the Ford Dealership, which he has been to at least five times since then, and get a fucking copy made, they're not that expensive, and he only really needs the key). So, my uncle came over and my Dad called out of work. So, I couldn't use my bathroom to get ready AND my Dad was up my butt.
I didn't get any sleep, my hands are irritated from the gloves at work and I was in a generally bad mood. Then, I go to the bank, but since this is RI and everyone lives like it's 1882, the bank was closed due to lack of heat. I didn't want to go to the main branch because they are mentally slow (both the people that go there and the people who work there), and the idiot was home, so I had him do it. I had to give the check to him, and when I put it on the table, I hit a drill he had lying on the kitchen table. I am not kidding you, a drill, the kind you would use to drill holes in wood. Hitting it caused my hand to bleed, badly, but I was in a hurry, so I left for Renesemee's, and couldn't use it to drive. It was just my ring finger, but it was still hard to do.
Then, we go to my Grandma's house, and there's a huge accident on the way there, with no detour for the blocked road, so I had to wander North Providence, with no idea where I was and a bunch of people in front of and behind me. I found my Grandma's house, and I got to drive to the hairdresser, because who doesn't want to drive with my Grandma in the car? Of course, she was in a bitchy mood, too. So, the whole time we were with her, she was bitching at me. "You should get your hair cut near you." (it was her idea to go up there to get my hair cut, not mine) and all other bs. She even called me later at night to bitch some more about my answering message on my phone, as if anybody even calls my phone.
Reneesmee and I went out and it was okay. Then we got back to her house and I did her iTunes stuff for her, and then I fell asleep on her couch, until my Grandma called. Then, we watched some Gurren Lagann and I went home so I could work out.
I came home, and that was probably the biggest mistake I made today. My Dad did NOTHING today, except tear up my room again and throw a bunch of my shit in the basement, which smells and often floods. So, I had to sort through that before I could even work out. I fought with him again, too. I told him I want to move out, and he was like "fine." He even yelled at me to go to bed, and I told him no. I mean, I had to sort through those clothes and I'm 90% sure if I don't get them out of the dryer or washer, they will be back on that floor again. I need to get a lock for my room, because I'm sick of him going in there.
He was like "I told you to clean your room a year ago." yeah, well that wasn't yesterday, asshole. I don't care if my swearing bothers you, when everyone on Earth is pissing me off, I can't resist the urge to swear. He didn't even seem upset at the idea of me leaving. He really hates me now, and I don't know why. I bet it has something to do with Bleach, he hates that show, he hates that I watch anime and I have no idea why. He hates me staying up late, even though I'm 23 years old and do good in school. It's not like I'm out late partying, I'm at home, and I don't even think I'm that loud.
I'm starting to think everyone would be much happier if I never had started watching Bleach at all. I don't want to give it up, but I almost think I should. I mean, Diana hates me for it, my Dad hates me, my Grandma hates me. Yes, it makes me happy, but everyone thinks I'm some kind of perverted freak for it. I feel odd writing about it in here, because I doubt anyone reads those parts. I doubt anyone reads this and is like "Oh. Bleach sounds awesome, I think I'll watch an episode" it's more like, "There goes Kate talking about anime again because she has no life." You're probably all right about that, too. Still, I don't get why it's so wrong.
I just don't get why everyone is hating on me right now. Why can't I find a nice boy to like me? Why is it always some asshole? There is a guy who likes me right now, and I don't like him at all. He pisses me off, to be honest. He acts like a baby when I get mad at him, he thinks I'm his mommy and should help him with everything. I mean, if you can't figure out a guitar book, get a teacher. I just don't feel like baby sitting anybody. I want a boy who is an equal, not some loser who I have to baby. Why can't that happen to me? It has happened to all my friends.
I just never believed that I would feel so alone. Ever since my Mom died and I lost Katie, I have felt so damn alone. It's like I'm not worth anything, it's like I'm no good. I had all these dreams, and not one of them came true, no matter how hard I worked. I played guitar every night, went on tons of auditions, nothing. I worked out everyday, lost about forty pounds, if not more, and nothing. I always try and learn new things and challenge myself. It never seems to work. I'm never want anyone wants, and if I am, they leave after a while.
I don't want to be set up with anyone, ever again, for the rest of my life, and maybe even into an afterlife in there is one. I don't honestly care. I want a guy on my own terms, and I'm starting to think that it will never happen. Maybe I am not good enough for that guy. I'm just so tired of everyone hating me and the things I like. Why doesn't anyone want me to be happy as I am?
I don't know what I'll do. I can't change the past, I can't do anything these days. I'd best leave before the computer monitor shuts down. Bleach is coming on anyway, and with the way things are now, this could be the last time I see it. Take that as you will.
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