Today was a kind of irritating day. My Dad took my car and got new rear tires put on it and it turns out someone put one of the tires on wrong, and these were tires from when we bought the car, which was two years ago. So, he dropped me off for Western Civ and picked me up, but I drove to my Italian and Music Theory classes because they were in the morning, and Western Civ isn't until 2:30.
In Theory, the guy that I think likes me (who needs a name, suggestions are welcome) was playing the piano in the classroom and he looked at me while he played. Then when I walked up to the teacher to give her a graded song I made up, he looked at me. Yesterday when I got out of Sight Singing, he was near the door, and it almost looked like he was waiting for me. This could all be in my head though, and it probably is. I don't get attention from guys often, if ever, so when they do pay attention to me, even if it's just them being nice I either think they're 1. making fun of me in some way or 2. flirting with me. I kind of wish he was though, it would be nice to have a guy like me for the first time since tenth grade, and I'm not even sure if Dancer's whole story about Perscocho going out with her to get to me was even true, it might not have been. Anyway, it would be nice to have a guy with intelligence like me. I think I have sight singing and music theory with him next semester and I know I have piano with him because he mentioned that he had a hard time registering for it. I wouldn't mind going out with a guy, either, because it seems like every girl my age has held hands with a guy and been in that stupid love that isn't true love, but rather that dumb teenage love. I mean, every time I go through that it's so one sided I just want to know what it feels like to be on the two sided part of love, where the guy I like feels the same way about me, and not some other girl who looks and acts nothing like me, or just like a better version of me.
My Dad made Thanksgiving dinner tonight because I'm going to my aunt's and it's going to suck big time. I really don't like my Dad's side of the family, or my Mom's side, either. They're all either fifteen years older than me or fifteen years younger and so I can't talk to them about anything. I for some reason don't like to eat stuff cooked at other people's houses, either. I don't mind going out to eat, but I don't like eating at someone else's house. I hate it because when I had friends, it ws always so hard for me to eat at their house. I think it's mostly because I'm uncomforatable in other people's houses and I feel like I have to ask to do everything so I get lazy and don't ask to do anything, so I don't do anything.
I would write about what I am thankful for, but I'm not really in the mood. I feel really bad that I don't have a job and that my Dad is paying for college and my car, etc. I feel like he's stuck in this big hole and I'm digging it even further down so he can't get out. I just feel like I'm not good at doing my part, and my room is a total mess. I think that if I ever do have a boyfriend, I would be too embarassed to even let him see my room.
You see, I've been hanging stuff up in my room for two years now. I have Altoids ads all over my door, I have posters for bands (Green Day, Weezer, Incubus and the Foo Fighters) and a bunch of notes Carbon gave me in tenth grade. I also have a sign that says "Liz is smelly!" (that would be Hydrogen). I have a five day forecast I made two years ago, because I thought it would be weird to have it in my room. I have some pictures Lithium drew for me and one she did for Perscocho and I have two Simpsons posters. I have a Nightmare Before Christmas poster, though I can barely see it because it's a the bottom of the wall near my door. My walls are pretty much covered in stuff and you can barely tell the walls are an Easter egg green. I even have Christmas lights that I keep up all year, I just don't use them too often, unless I'm reading something for a short period of time. It's messy too, because my clothes are on the floor and my music books and my four guitars. I'm sorry for all the run-on sentences by the way.
I was also thinking about how I'll never see most of the characters from high school ever again, and in a way it really sucks. I kind of miss some of them, like Disney and I never got to tell them how I feel. I wonder if there are people like that throughout life. They're always the types who seem to have so much fun with life and they don't seem to worry very much, either. They probably hide it, but they do it so well. I always wanted to tell people what I really thought of them, but I think that they kind of thought I was a loser. I was just thinking about that today and it made me sad in a weird way.
I really didn't do anything else today. I didn't do much yesterday, either. I guess I live a boring life, especially to try and update everyday. Oh, Blake came with my Dad when he picked me up and it was funny, he is so afraid of going in cars, he actually went into Ginger's cage when Dad locked his cage. He realized he couldn't fit in Ginger's cage so he gave up and went with Dad. I'll write more tomorrow. I'm so glad it's finally the weekend, I always get so tired around this time of year from school, I think it's because I know the holidays and the holiday break are coming. I'm allergic to my thumb rest on my clarinet, it's weird and I have to wear a band aid when I play it and it stinks. I hate being allergic to every kind of metal every made, I don't know what's wrong with me. I'll write more later. Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!
*Racecar*
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