These past few days haven't been too good for me. It really sucks to see everything falling apart. I worry there is some kind of gas crisis going on because of what the President said last night and the way everyone around here has been panicking and getting gas every fucking second they can. I don't understand why everyone is so worried, because it doesn't worry me, but I'm an idiot about that kind of stuff. I wish I had someone at home so I could get rid of my car, I don't want it anymore. I'm never going to get it fixed, my Dad didn't put the exhaust on today because he couldn't get the rusted old bolts from the old exhuast off and he can't find his hacksaw. We went to Fiore to see if they had the rotors, but they were eighty bucks for back rotors. My Dad is probably going to get all the rotors from the people who make the exhaust. He will probably try to put them on, and fail miserably. I don't get why they hell he can never fix my car, sometimes I feel like dropping it off at the shop near my house and leaving it there. I broke my passanger side mirror last night and it won't go back on right, either. I am getting the replacement from Fiore on Saturday, because they didn't have it in stock.
They had a beautiful diesel Jetta there, I really wanted my Dad to get it and just get rid of his damn truck which he doesn't use. I don't think he'll ever get his Rabbit back and I know he wants a Jetta because he is always looking at them and keeps trying to test drive one. I wish I had the money to buy him the new one they had on the lot today, it was so pretty, this gorgeous blue and it was one of the four on the lot. Apparently they are moving really fast because of gas prices. I hate seeing my Dad drive a truck he doesn't like and have the car he wants on a lot somewhere and the car he has sitting in a junkyard rusting away. It's not really a junkyard, but if you saw it, you would know what I mean, most of the cars there will never touch the road again. My Dad is supposed to fix my car next Thursday.
I am really worried about school starting. My guitar teacher said that it was the best time of his life. It really makes me feel like shit, because I feel like I am wasting the best years of my life and that nothing will be as good as this. I really hate RI and I don't want to live here or end up with anyone who wants to stay here. My Grandma doesn't want me to go far away, I told her I want to go to a college in Boston (I won't get in one :(, they're all too competitive out there), or maybe one in NYC, but she thinks that's too far away. Maybe I should just chain myself to my house, though that is too far away, too. I know she wants me to go to RIC and become a cookie cutter teacher like my cousin, or a nurse. I don't want to do that, though I will admit I envy my cousin because she has a close family and has always had more friends and boyfriends than I probably ever will.
I just get bummed out about that a lot. I'm sorry for that, but I really have a hard time making new friends and it seems like people don't share my interests and I always end up with people who don't share my interests. I don't think I will be in RI much longer after this year, and after I graduate college in 2009, I want to leave the state and go to any state that is better. I don't know where I will go or even what I will do, I just know I want to get out of here with a passion.
I feel like I wasted my summer doing nothing and nothing got accomplished. I made a list of summer goals and I don't think I accomplished very many of them. This summer wasn't nearly as bad as last summer, but it was still disappointing. I feel like I am in the same situation all over again. I feel really trapped, like I can't get out of where I am in my life, even though I want out really badly. I have to get ready to go to bed, but I will probably write more on Saturday before I got to see Green Day, I'm glad I'm not a Gillette Stadium tonight though, the Patriots aren't doing too great, but I think it's because most of the regular players aren't playing. Hopefully they'll do better next Thursday. Good night.
*Racecar*
<< Thursday, Sept. 01, 2005@10:20 p.m.>>