I don't know why, but I am really bummed out today. It seems like a great deal of things in my life are ending and I'm just so upset over it. I'm going to be eighteen soon, so I have to rely on myself more and it just scares me a great deal. I'm going to have to play guitar more often and play harder stuff and I'm not sure if I can do it, because I've been having some problems with what I am doing right now and I can't understand some of it. I'm so scared that I'm not ready to do all of this and that I'm not ready to become a full fledged adult in less than two months. It all seems to be happening so fast and the speed of it just scares me. At first, I was excited but now I am scared because I'm not sure if everything I'm doing is what I want in my life and I am worried about what will happen if I make the wrong choices, and I'm worried I may have already made some.
I'm kind of happy, because I'm going to the drive in next week, I'm to a Paw Sox game on the twenty fifth, Water Fire on the twenty eighth and a Norah Jones concert on the thirty first, but it will be my last concert with my Dad. I know it's stupid, but I'm scared to go on my own. I guess this is why I'm scared of all this, because I've never been on my own before and I'm scared that I won't make it.
I did get some more good news today, our cable provider has FINALLY decided to add MTV2 to replace Fuse, which has been gone for the past nine months. I'm even happier because it's going to be on basic cable, right near Comedy Central and VH1, so I can watch those channels and I'll get to see some indie rock again. I'm sad because I learned that one of my favorite shows is going to be airing it's last episode on the fifteenth, which really makes me sad, because I've been watching that show for a while now, and it was the LAST show that I thought would get cancelled. I was ready to see Harvey Birdman get cancelled, but instead Aqua Teen Hunger Force is going off the air. They're both on Adult Swim, which is on Cartoon Network late at night, but it just bums me out because I watch that show almost everyday and it's just really weird. There's no other show on television that weird. I'm no good at goodbyes, even if it's just a tv show and it sucks because if you're bad at goodbyes, it seems like it would be hard to get better at them. I know I'll have to say goodbye many times in my life, but I just hate it every time and I only think it gets harder.
My Dad is taking me to Circuit City tomorrow, because they're having some sale on cds this week and they're all eleven ninety nine, which is good because some cds never go on sale, mostly indie ones. He thinks that I will be okay and that I will make it on my own. I'm not sure though, and I won't be sure until I do. Is anyone else out there worried about going out on their own for the first time? I just wonder if there's anyone else out there who feels that way. I'll write more later.
*Racecar*
<< Thursday, Aug. 05, 2004@12:30 a.m.>>