I'm sorry for the incoherency of my last entry, but I was devastated to find out first thing on Monday morning (officially the worst day of the week in every way, at least until 24 comes back on in January) that I was NOT a music education major at my school, because my audition THREE months ago was "unacceptable". Yet, my schedule was full of music classes, the head of the department was alone with me for a few minutes while I took my theory test, which he probably threw out and stormed over to the schedule people and bitched. I think it's not fair that they lied to me and now I am locked into this stupid ass school. I don't want to go there because of this and I will do EVERYTHING in my power to withdraw from it, starting tomorrow.
I cried all day yesterday and last night and some of today. My eyes still hurt and I haven't gotten much sleep. I want to be a music teacher more than anything. Music saved me at a time in my life when no one would. I feel like I'm back in that place now, and my future is at stake, I just wish that someone would help me.
My Dad called the music department and he called the lady who told me the news, and neither of them got back to him. I think they just don't give a shit. All I want to know is why they waited so long and so late to tell me this, because I could've just gone to URI instead and not wasted my time and energy on this fucking school. The thing that makes me angry is that no one will get punished for this mistake because it's me. It's Racecar Horlas they've screwed with, and be assured, that when someone messes with my life, which quite a few people have lately, they don't feel guilty, they don't say sorry and they don't get punished for what they did wrong. They get REWARDED.
I think I might try and call the music department myself and explain to them that I want an explaination as to why I was not notified earlier and why the person who made my schedule was not notified either and that I deserve an apology for the mistake that they made. I'm almost thinking that if they don't respond, I can just call and start playing my clarinet or my guitar. If I ever auditioned there again, I'd bring my Strat and my amp and just turn it up to ten and start playing Clash songs, because it's not like they would take me seriously anyway.
I did go to Westfarms today with Dad and I got some software for my Apple, a wireless mouse and a much needed case. I also got virus protection for online and I can make a website on Apple with it, too. I'm downloading Dreamweaver the minute my Apple goes online again and making a site. I'm not sure if anyone would visit it though, my words seem meaningless these days.
So, now I'm going to apply to CCRI to see if I can get in and if not, I'll be stuck in Albany. I'm just worried that I'll see one of those jerks from the music department and I'll try to yell at them for what they did. I'm definately going to need counseling if I have to go up there. I already thought I was going crazy because of the summer, but this just made it worse.
My Dad wants to switch our PC to Windows XP, which means that we have to take the computer offline, disconnect the printer and uninstall the programs that came with them and the digital camera. I think the reason the XP cd gives for switching is funny. It says it has a sleek new design, because looking at a nude colored Start button could be the reason I need glasses. You can tell they only did it for the money. Oh, in an unrelated note, I dyed my hair and it's brown again, because it was blonde. It was a reddish brown when I dyed it, but the red was splotchy and now it's gone. It's good though, because it made my hair look purple. Also, you have to see this, it's pretty funny. It's Kerry and Bush singing "This Land is Your Land".
I'm going to see WaterFire tomorrow night, though, which should be fun. They light a bunch of fires over the Providence River and they have all kinds of street acts around it. I'm glad the Providence Journal is doing it on a weekday, because I don't think I would get to see it otherwise. I'm not sure if I will get the chance to write tomorrow, but I will let anyone interested know how things work out.
*Racecar*
<< Tuesday, Jul. 20, 2004@6:27 p.m.>>