I'm starting to think that I did something to upset the universe or something. I'm the only fucking person I know who is always getting shit on. If someone had fucking helped me to choose a college, if I was in a damn world that applauded honesty instead of lies, I wouldn't wish I was dead. I am so fucking sick of this! I'm sick of these lies I'm sick of no one having the guts to tell me the Goddamn truth. My asshole friends, the fuckers at Burger King and these assholes.
I thought I was in the music program at school, but now I'm not, and they didn't fucking tell me until today. My schedule was a complete sham, but guess what? I still get to take fucking Italian! I put up with four years of shit from basically EVERYONE at school, to get more shit in college! I'm so sick of this, it's like I've got a fucking sign on me that says to use me. I just want to smash all my guitars to pieces I'm so mad.
I don't want to go to college. I just hate myself right now. I'm just so angry at myself because why did all this have to happen? Why couldn't they have told me that day so I could've made the right decision. I fucking practiced on the night of my prom and I would've brought my guitar there if I knew how much it was going to suck. I feel so awful for making my Dad so nervous. I don't know what to do, I wish there was some answer. Why does all this have to happen to me? It never happens to the assholes who backstab me, just to me.
I just wish there were some answers, that things would be alright. My eyes really hurt right now and so does my head. I just wish I could die because this is all that will happen in my life. The world belongs to stupid, slutty, boy crazy assholes who will stab you in the back no matter who you are, to climb up to that social ladder that leads NO WHERE!
I'm driving everyone around me crazy, but I just don't know how to react or what to do. If anyone out there has any advice I would love it. Anything at all. If there's anything else I might be good at, suggest it to me. I wish he was here right now, because he would understand, he would know what it's like to have a dream and then have it shattered after you've already made a commitment. That fucking asshole head of the music department was RIGHT in front of me, and I was the only one there, he could have told me and I don't want to reauditon. The fucking bitch on the phone said that I needed to get a private instructor! You bitch, I've been going to to one every week for a fucking year and a half, I've ony missed ONE lesson that whole time. You don't even need to take lessons to be good, some of the guys in Instrumental NEVER took lessons or had stopped and they were still better than me. What they did was fucking cruel. I would NEVER recommend that college anyone, because they are a bunch of fucking liars and they let me fall through the cracks, just like everyone else has. I hate this fucking world.
*Racecar*
<< Monday, Jul. 19, 2004@5:23 p.m.>>