Hello, again. I know I write in here quite often. It's probably because I love the way my diary looks now. I bet you think I'm obsessive, and you would be so right.
It's weird, how I get obsessed with something, and I'll do most anything for it, but then, I can also be obsessed with the exact opposite of what I'm obsessed with. For example, (since I have surely confused all of you) there was once a day, not too long ago, when I was obsessed with Pepsi, but currently, I'm obsessed with Coke. This also happens with music. Lately, I've been obsessed with jazz music, but I usually love to listen to rock music.
Most of the time, I'll be obsessed with something for a while, and some event will snap me out of it, and then I will look back and wonder what was wrong with me then. It depends how long I've been obsessed though, it usually takes me a long time to hate something I've been obsessed with for a long time. Generally, I hate obsessions.
I felt so bad today, it was insane. This whole summer has been so awful, weird and yet strangely beautiful. For every good day, there are two bad ones, though I remember the good ones better. I'm going to miss summer, but I miss my friends much more.
I talked to FiFi tonight, and I must admit, it really helped. I can't thank her enough. She helped me shed light on everything (mostly my problems with Hydrogen) and just that fact that she listened made me feel better. I did feel like I was using her as my personal therapist, though.
I don't like my therapist. He always wants to talk about my mom's affect on me. I really don't care about my mother anymore. I told FiFi that I feel like I can't connect with her at all, since she's never been there once in my life to take me clothes shopping, or do any of that mother daughter stuff. FiFi knows more about me than my mother does, if you can believe that.
I don't like my mother. She's mentally ill, severly, and she refuses to get help from any therapist who wants to help her. All she wants is someone to help her blame her problems on other people, and to give her more pills to pop. She's pissed at FiFi now, and she even yelled at FiFi's mother. I'm so worried that FiFi will be mad at me. If she reads this, I hope she realizes how sorry I am, though she knows the story better than most people do.
That's also part of the reason why I don't have a boyfriend. Even if I loved a guy who loved me (which is very unlikely anyway), I wouldn't want to put him through that kind of mental anguish, since I do care about him and all (if he were to exist).
Just in case you wondered, I stole the above word (oddities) from Hydrogen's friend, Seahorse. She says "Oh! Oddities!" when she hears about something strange. If Hydrogen does in fact read this, feel free to correct me on the spelling of the word.
I would just like to credit Seahorse for the word. God forbid she's like Nasty, and claims that she invented a word and it is therefore, legally hers. I'll probably tell the tale of Nasty in my next entry, since it's so funny. Can't you tell I have no life?
Your insane friend in the sky,
*Grape*Cloud*
<< Monday, Aug. 19, 2002@1:25 a.m.>>