I'm not really in a good mood tonight. I ended up staying at work until ten thirty because of the asshole manager, who is really the overnight manager and has always been an asshole. It wasn't bad, but I'm really tired and I want my Grandma to stop talking. I just want to watch Futurama, but I want to write some stuff to get it off my chest.
Today at work was good. I actually saw a polite child whose mother was raising him to be polite! I felt like shaking her hand and bawling, because that is so rare these days. If I ever have kids, I am going to try to raise them to be polite to others and such. I also met this lady who thought I sold her some stockings, but I don't work in the women's department. I tried to sell her shoes, but she apparently needs to wear men's shoes because her feet are weird. I gave her a pair of size eleven shoes, and on the right foot, the shoe was too big, but on the left, it was too small. It was noticable, too, not like on a normal person's foot. She talked to me for a while, which was nice because I was bored and she was very talkative. She told me that two years ago, around Christmastime, a Wal Mart shoe associate, possibly in another store, let her have a pair of $60 boots for ten dollars because she wanted to do a good deed for Christmas. I want to try and do that when Christmas comes this year, too.
I came home and it was almost eleven. The Red Sox lost because they are fucking stupid lately, there goes their lovely 14 game home winning streak :(. Anyway, my Dad told me that yesterday, the town workers went into our backyard, making a little driveway in the process, and filled in our brook. That brook has been there for longer than I can remember, longer than the fucking illegal lake that is flooding our yard with water. I don't know why they never filled that in, because honestly, the guy built it illegally and caused damager to our yard, and to the yard of our neighbors. You can see the fucking lake from my backyard! I don't get why they never do anything about it, yet they go into our yard for no known reason and don't tell us or ask our permission. Dad is going to call the DEM tomorrow because if they are taking our brook away, they are ruining the ecosystem in our backyard. I don't want them back there and I don't want them to destroy the brook. I always felt so cool to have a brook in my yard and to be able to listen to it at night or look at it during the day. I like my backyard, even though it is pretty wild looking, it's always felt like a place where I could sit in peace. I always wanted a friend to share that space with and see if they would understand. I don't know if anyone has their own special place, but my backyard was always mine, even if I had to buy tons of Off! to go back there. To know that they are destorying it makes me sad. I think I'm going to start going to Town Hall Meetings and I'm going to make my Dad go, too. I am sick of the shit that this town has been giving us and everyone on the Eastern end. I told my Dad that he should get a lawyer for this, because he told the cops and they don't give a fuck because they never do. I told him if he didn't want to get a lawyer, I would go to school to become one. I almost think I would like to try and be a politician and just bust shit up, you know? Just destory the corrput groups of people who think they can lord their stolen or undeserved power over others. I don't think I can be because of my lack of experience.
I'm just really tired of my life, I think I write that everyday. I'm sorry that I feel that way, but I am just so sick of everything coming out the wrong way. I wanted something to be good for once. I really wish I had the ability at something to go to a good college. You know I wanted to go to Brown because I heard the students there are really happy? I don't like Providence too much, especially for someone who was born there (in a hospital, duh!), but it is a million times better than this hellhole of a town. I want to go to a nice college somewhere out of state where the students are happy and I can get a good education and be happy, too. I want to sell my house, even though it's not mine yet so I can't. I want to move to California, even though they are a little crazy out there. I want to start a small punk band, even if we suck it will make me happy. I want to teach or do something else, too, just to have money, but I want to play with other people. I really want to have a nice diesel Jetta and a cute boyfriend and a nice group of friends who like me a support me just as much a I like and support them. I dream of that stuff every fucking day of my life. There isn't a day that I can think of where I haven't daydreamed of the future, where I haven't wanted a better life. There hasn't been anything here to convince me that this place is where I belong, in fact, everything I see seems to tell me to leave. I hate being so unhappy. I want my brook and my friends and a sweet boy and my car to be in one piece. I want to have a band and have a little job and stuff. I'm tired of my life feeling so empty and dull. I'm tired of feeling like my story has already been written. Life sucks right now, will it always?
*Racecar*
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