I'm sorry I haven't written in a while. It's not even the excuse of being busy, because I've been incredibly lazy (even now...). I'm going to try and write quickly, because I want to write, but I don't want to write for an hour and then not have enough time to do this stupid assignment for school. I have to fix my four year plan to show my grades, which I don't want to do because I HATE looking at my grades and have ever since I was in elementary school. I haven't failed a class, but there are a few that I haven't done well. Not to mention it pisses me off that I did this about a year ago and can't find the file anywhere, even though I haven't deleted a thing off this computer, and I did use this computer. I think this thing hates me sometimes. I really just hate this school, and all the paperwork you have to do for no real reason. I also have to pay to print a bunch of documents.
I didn't have school yesterday because of the snow, yet the roads were still a mess this morning. Not only that, but the sidewalks here aren't clean, so I've been walking in the road. They didn't even salt the walkway near the library, so I nearly fell getting here. I'm so glad that I have a hard shell guitar case because if I didn't, I would've lost the guitar a long time ago. Still, I have my laptop in my bag, so if I do fall, I could easily lose about three years worth of work (it's backed up, but I haven't backed it up since October, I should do that when I get home).
Not much else is going on. I didn't go to school on Thursday because History was canceled, so it seemed like a waste of time. I went to work all day Friday and then went with Reneesmee to the Emerald Square Mall, but I was tired from eight hours of work and two hours of driving, so I wasn't in the best of moods. Not to mention the mall doesn't have a big bookstore, only a Borders Express (which is boring and has nothing). We went to FYE, but it's expensive there. Then we went to Hot Topic and I started crying because they were playing "Starry Configurations" by Jets to Brazil, which is about unrequited love. I don't know what was worse, all the little posers listening to a band that meant a lot to me, the fact that they probably didn't notice, or that I've been through a situation similar to that in the song, recently (and many other times as well). I'm so tired of failing when it comes to love.
I've been trying to not think about Bunny, but I imagine it will be tough this week, since his birthday is on Thursday. I'm not sure if I should say "Happy Birthday!" to him, to let him know there's no hard feelings, or if I should do nothing, because there might be hard feelings. I feel childish for even being mad at him still. I really shouldn't be. I just had this big illusion I had built up in my head, this whole idea that he would like me, too, and that he was the guy I'd been waiting for, that we both didn't fit in, but we could be together and feel okay. I feel so stupid for being wrong, and that this isn't the first time, or the last.
It's just Reneesmee and I now, and I just feel like she might find a guy soon, too. I have to admit, I don't believe in that whole "there is someone for everyone" anymore. I don't know how anyone could, it's obvious that some of us, no, none of us, are equal. Some of us are really amazing, some of us are not, and it's kind of weird how people delude themselves over it. I wish we could be equal, and maybe we are and I just don't see it or something, but I just feel like not everyone sees things that way. I really do feel like most people at school think I am stupid, even the guy I kind of like now. I don't know that I am anyone's equal, that there is a guy out there who is smart enough to know what I am talking about (I'm so sick of idiots who pretend to understand), yet kind enough to understand me and my problems. It doesn't help that I'm not the best looking girl, and my looks only appeal to idiots who think I'm desperate because I don't have anyone. I don't know anymore.
There is of course, this other guy that I like. He's a music student, just like me, but I don't think he's as friendly as Bunny is. He doesn't talk to me much, he's very polite, he's cute, but in a dorky way. He's much dorkier than Bunny, or at least in a different way. Still, I think he is a music snob, who would think I'm an idiot for listening to Jawbreaker and that stuff. He also doesn't seem to think I'm too smart, but I hope that is just some kind of misunderstanding that can be changed. Still, I don't know how much of a chance I have with this guy and I don't think I'm going to try anything. I'm not even going to bother until the fall, I need to work on school and on myself, because I am a mess right now.
Anyway, I have to do that stupid assignment now, because it's after 2. Of course. Ugh. I'm tried of this bs.-*Rukia*
<< Tuesday, Mar. 03, 2009@1:45 p.m.>>