Okay. I really have to write in here, because it's been almost two weeks, and, because I keep writing diary entries in my head, which can't be good. I got a livejournal, and I know why, too. So Parmesan could find it. I keep thinking about him, he's just stuck in my mind and I want to evict him more than anything. I don't like his girlfriend, either. I don't even think it's because of who she is, but who she's friends wtih. She knows a bunch of girls in my grade, and not the nice ones, but the popular bitches who would rather spend their Saturdays at the mall than with real people. The ones who laugh at me when they see carrying my guitar around school.
Also, I'm so tired of people yelling at me about my guitar. I swear, if one more guy makes fun of my guitar, I'll castrate him and I won't think twice about it. One kind called it a banjo, the other one called me a ho, and there's one, who I think is the one who called me ho, who keeps fucking bugging me in school. Why are guys so rude to me? I don't fucking get it, because it's not like I've done anything to any of them. There are some, like Perscocho, who have a reason to come at me with an ax, but these guys? I don't even know them! I swear, I'm too good at making people angry. I could make someone hate me for the rest of their life in about five minutes, that's how good I am.
I got back into Instrumental Workshop and now everyone is nice to me. I think the poodle dropped out of it, because I saw her ysterday and she seemed healthy, but she wasn't in class on Friday. There is a God! Though, now I am offically the only girl in the class. I also started a two person band with Carbon. We have no name and haven't practiced together yet. I don't intend to play shows or any of that, I just need someone to pratice with who is close to my level. I think it would help me to learn to stay with her and not go faster or slower and also to solo, if I can ever get up to that. It scares the heck out of me, because I've never played in front of a group of people before, so I don't think I'm very good. It seems like no one wants me to play for them, anyway. I didn't get to play music for the Italian play, so I'm bringing my Christmas guitar book to Christmas and Christmas eve, and I fully intend to play my heart out. Hell, I might even bring the electric for good measure.
My Grandmother is getting me another Savings Bond for Christmas, so I'm going to break my old bonds and buy a Stratocaster. I want a real guitar, not some beginner's guitar (even though everyone says I'm a beginner). I wish that life was like the Sims, and I could play for a few hours and go up a level, instead of playing for a year and still being at the same level.
Yeah, I'm kind of bummed out right now, and yet, I'm a tiny bit excited about Christmas. I think my aunt's sister might be getting me something nice, but I'm not sure. She usually does, but I heard through the grapevine that she's been sick, so maybe not. I'm going to start going to Weight Watchers after the New Year,since I can go there on my own now. I just have to let her know and ask her when the meetings are. I'd like to be my scientifically predetermined weight for once. I'd also like to look nice for the Winter Ball, even though I'll be by myself. Oh, Dancer and Hydrogen are going with their boyfriends, they just didn't put me at their table. I don't know what is up with them lately, I think they have both changed a great deal. They never seemed to really like me very much, but now it seems to show. I just feel kind of isolated from them.
I think I found a college that I can go to. It's called the College of Saint Rose, and it's in Albany, New York. I'm sending my SAT scores from the SAT I took yesterday there, because I think those might be my best. I hope they're my best, because of all the math experience I've gotten this year. My Dad doesn't want me to go because of all the trouble I've been having lately, but September of 2004, though fast approaching, doesn't seem to be coming THAT soon. I really hope that this summer will be the best yet, because it will surely be my last one in Coventry and my last one with my current friends. I hope that I can grow more as a person, too.
I'm going to go update my livejournal now and squareone, I found this awesome Damien Rice song because I just bought another copy of O. It's really great, though it makes me think of Parmesan. For Christmas, I think I want him out of my head, because I know nothing will come of anything. Bye.
<< Sunday, Dec. 21, 2003@5:26 p.m.>>