It's been a pretty normal week. I've been taking naps afterschool everyday. I went to the library on Tuesday to get some books for my kite project, but because some other kids cleaned out the library, I couldn't find a book on the history of kites. I think I might try to use Encarta because I think that counts as a book source, not an online source, which I can only have one of. The books I got mostly have kite plans in them and one goes into great detail about how to fly a kite. I basically learned that Carbon and I were going about it all wrong when we tried to do it. Real kite flyers don't run, they wait for the wind and then try to let the kite go with lots of string loose. Not run with it when there's no wind in a field surrounded by trees, which block the wind and give you a downdraft. Duh!
Not much has been going on though. We had a quiz in music theory and as usual, I got all nervous about it for no reason. I get nervous most every class and guess what? I always pass the quizzes and do pretty good, too. I'm such a weirdo like that, I worry about everything. We watched a Behind the Music on David Crosby today because no one wanted to do anything, last period on a Friday and all. It was so funny because he kept talking about girls like they were flowers, he did so many drugs that I honestly don't think he should be alive today and he has three kids, one of whom is thirty two and another who is only ten at the most. I just think that is so weird, I don't know why rock stars are always such a messed up bunch. I know the road does a ton to you, but that's no excuse to get high all the time and sleep with anything that walks by.
We made a music video for this dumb song we do in Italian class. That's where the title comes from, it's about this guy who calls this little girl and talks to her. He's really her father and I guess he got separated from her somehow and he's crying because the mother of the girl won't listen to his pleas. It's really sad, but the video is funny. There's a guy dressed as a little girl, kneeling on the floor and singing with this kid in our class who does pretty much nothing except sing. In the song, the girl sings really fast and no girl in class could keep up with her, which is why a guy plays the girl. We all got up to sing it in the end, I had to kneel on the floor and it hurt, but it was really funny to sing it. I have to admit, I don't want anyone else seeing it though, I mean from future Italian classes and all. It's awfully embarassing though it's a good waste of time, unlike normal Italian class.
My car's engine light went off, two days after it went on. Now it's okay and my Dad cleaned out the air filter. It's still going to the dealer though, because my Dad thinks the belts might be too old and if they go, the engine will go and I'll have no car. Especially if it goes to my Dad's friend. I swear, by the time my Dad's friend rebuilds the Rabbit's engine, there won't even be diesel fuel around. He's had it for almost two years now and my Dad does nothing to get it back, which sucks because that's the only way I'll get to keep my current car when I get out of college.
Carbon told me she couldn't go to the concert, which is in a week from tomorrow. So, Dancer is going with me instead. I really hope I'm not working on Saturday night, because I am this week, but usually I'm not. I'm going to try and tell them tomorrow I can't work next Saturday night, but I have to come up with a good reason. I'll probably say I have to take my dog to the vet to get an operation or something. Ginger needs to go to someone who knows something about dog allergies, as she has no fur left.
My Dad got HDTV, which I don't really like, because yes, it is very clear, just like real life, but it's also in letterbox format, which I'm not a fan of. Also, our cable box is so slow it makes me look like a cross country kid. We also have telephone service from the cable company, which is great, because they got rid of the retarded tolls on the main parts of Rhode Island. Places I could drive to in as little as twenty minutes, like my uncle's house, I had to pay a toll to call with Verizon, who had a monopoly on phone service in Rhode Island before Cox came along. Now we have all the services they offer, which is a little weird. I really only like the internet, because it's just really fast.
There's only one thing that has really been bothering me lately. I'm kind of mad at Carbon because I honestly think she doesn't want to be my friend anymore and that she just won't say it or even tell me why. I would like to know what I did, if I did anything at all. Dancer thinks it's because she is really busy, but I don't think that's it. I call her and she never calls me back, I leave messages and everything and even when I talk to her, it's only for a few minutes, always less than five. I don't think she likes me and I don't think her parents to do, either. I think it's that I can drive my own car now, which I swear has cursed me. I mean, I've fought with everyone since the day I've been driving my car, except for FiFi, but that's because we were fighting at the time and Boron, but that's because she never liked me to begin with, which I don't really mind because at least she never lied about it.
When I showed her the concert tickets, which were supposed to be her birthday present (I'm not sure if I should get her another one now or not, because if she's having a party, I'm probably not invited.). I was going to take her out for her birthday, too, probably next Friday night or something, but I know she won't want to go. I had planned that out long before I even had a car, back in October of last year. I wanted to take her, Dancer, Boron and myself out to dinner and a movie, all of Carbon's choice. I have the feeling if I ask her now, she'll say no. I think she'll probably do something with Boron, because she never really seems mad at her.
I just feel bad because it seems that I can never keep a friendship going for a long time. I always end up fighting with that person or just drifting away from them. I figured Carbon and I would be good friends, at least until I went away to college, and I wasn't sure about that anyway, I'm still not. I figured if I didn't we would still be friends. I just wish that I could have a best friend again, because she was my best friend. FiFi and Dancer are friends, but I know that they don't consider me their best friend and I don't either. I just want someone that I feel connected to, a sister type because I don't have one. That's how I felt with Carbon and now I don't feel like I can talk to her at all anymore, which I really miss. I don't know how she feels and I don't think she'll tell me. I said something like this at lunch after she told me she couldn't go to the concert (she didn't want to go anyway, she didn't even apologize that she couldn't go, like she used to) because I was honestly bothered. I figured she would say that, but knowing something painful is going to happen just doesn't make it hurt any less, at least not with me.
I don't know what to do, I'll probably try and write some of this into a note and let her know how I feel, because I can't talk to her. I feel like she won't listen or she'll get mad or something. I feel like I don't know her anymore and that it doesn't bother her at all. I hate being the one who always feels bad when a friendship ends because it always feels like I'm the only one. What do you think? I'd like anyone out there to let me know. Bye.
*Racecar*
<< Friday, Mar. 12, 2004@8:51 p.m.>>